i feel like after you turn 30 you aren't supposed to black out anymore
just saw a DUI checkpoint outside of a taco bell...i feel like thats cheating...
Drunk fuck. Had to tell him that the 5 second rule does not apply when your in the bathroom at the hockey game.
I'm graduating. Then you'll never see me again.
We better fuck soon then
Just found pics of us from Mardi Gras last year. Your boob job really is better than mine.
I don't know at least half of his name. I have officially become a statistic.
lets just say that i have already today: gotten drunk, got in a fight, got stranded an hour away from home, found a ride, sobered up, and slept. woken back up, and here i am. its been a long day. Day drinking is bad for friendships.
I woke up in her bed, she woke up in mine. Apparently there was a miscommunication after the 8th jager bomb.
I can't even look at my running shoes. I swear I drank more in the last 2 days than the last 6 months combined
i showed up sober to class for the first time. my prof said that i was "off my game today". i love philosophy
If you put those two in a room together it'd be like a Taylor Swift fantasy and an Adele nightmare just licking faces
If he can't cook well I'm just gonna buy a RealDoll and twenty cats and live my own fucking life
Yeah bunch of crazy shit... Makes you wonder how anyone found someone before tinder
Don't worry about us we're making Mac and cheese
MAC AND CHEESE ABORTED, WE HAD FIRE
Pro: 2020 made it easier to hook up with strippers
Con: explaining to Kari why there’s always strippers at our house
Pro: there’s always strippers at our house
Randomize
