are you sure you're not interested? he's the dunkin donuts employee of the month.
he just asked if we wanted to go to an arts and crats club with him tomorrow. every day it becomes harder for me to defend his sexuality
2011 senior yearbook drinking game. we're taking a shot whenever some dumbass uses that quote about how life isn't isn't about the breaths you take, but the moments that take your breath away. also that retarded wayne gretzky one about missing shots you don't take.
If I get laid, we are framing that mattress and hanging it on the wall as the place we both lost our virginities.
Why can't public transit accommodate my lifestyle of drinking til midnight on a Monday?
WHY AM I ALWAYS THE ASSHOLE WHO BREAKS OUT THE SHOTS
There was an Altoids can full of urine in the bathroom. I do not want to know what was going on in there.
No, no, we have to calibrate. What is the maximum amount of trouble we can get into without going to jail?
So take that alcohol. I still win. I ALWAYS WIN. Plus i didn't have to wear clothes. DOUBLE WIN.
I feel like I'm in a development meeting for a Lifetime original movie.
I'm not snubbing your weed I just had a really important rack of ribs to get home to
I see the guy who's been trying to get me to let him eat my ass became engaged on Facebook today; would framed screen shots be an appropriate wedding present?
Apparently this establishment won't let you rent a sailboat if you have been drinking rum all morning
Like, bro, how do you think I got the idea to go sailing
My liver is preforming stress tests.
yeah, I woke up with nacho cheese crusted all over my face and head...a lone jalapeno still stuck in my ear...you win this round drunk nachos....
Randomize
