I've decided to bang my pen-pal.
Okay, guy from work I want to fuck just told me he liked the font on my PowerPoint presentation. It is so on.
Make me proud, climb that corporate ladder.
I woke up with the new contact "Britney Both Nipples Pierced"... how do you think the night went?
Just realized I left my heels in their microwave. Whoops.
No, i went to get it done but the guy couldnt find it. exhibit A of why i wanted a clit piercing in the first place.
I've given up for the day already. I just wanna eat cheesecake and hide from her.
We got the DJ into it too! "If there are any dudes into other dudes out there, my man mark is looking to get pounded. Buy him a drink stat!"
I just told the joker that my vagina is the bat cave and he needs to infiltrate it.
no it was not a "magical experience". After we dropped, he just sat there staring at my laptop going "apple makes beautiful things".
That was awkward , having sex with her while her husband watched via Skype. I'm a porn star or a target. Idk
I can't. I'm going camping this weekend. I do have a life outside of your dick.
When he was leaving this morning he said I'll text you later on and I replied with if you don't that's cool too.
So you can text and rub it at the same time? Bravo.
I can do anything and masturbate, if I truly wanted to.
We had sex on a couch that was held together by Velcro. Want to know an unsexy sound? Velcro ripping apart under your bare ass.
Stop inviting Kevin over. The dickless wonder started playing some strange Sci-FY music and speaking an alien language and the girls split.
Randomize
