You hook up with other guys, let him talk to other girls.
no
he clicked a button a stirrups came down from the ceiling... if I don't come home by sunday, report me.
so either half this theatre is as stoned as me, or day daybreakers is hilarious
mom just found 19 empty wine bottles in my closet. i hate spring cleaning
For a second, I wondered if I could smoke pizza.
Your two fuck buddies playing ping pong together. HOW. ADORABLE!
I made Mark strip for me and do a stripper dance. I put 2 dollars in his mouth
I'm always drunk lately
Now I'm in a game of hide and seek in Sears
I'd return your shirt, but it got all wet from lying on the bathroom floor while I was in the shower with Justin's roommate...
Keep it.
We were simultaneously boning chicks 3 feet away from each other. Do you realize how much that upped our 15 year friendship?
I don't remember... but I heard a cop threatened to pepper spay my dick
I have meat and whiskey. will you bring condoms?
oh, i solved that problem. i told him i wanted to steal my roommate's nephew. radio silence. haven't heard from him since.
We could never date. He doesn't drink and he won't bring me tacos after sex. He's on that healthy life bullshit.
I know what I want to do this Friday. However, it might end in me getting kicked out of an arcade and a mini golf course.
Randomize
