He just left - my room smells like that cheese they put on nachos and cigarettes and beef
Yo quero taco bell
I woke up this morning wearing my tux shirt and jacket, but no pants.
______ was pissed. My breath tastes like tequila and doritos, and I couldn't get it up.
I am at The Loft in SoNo, and there are two girls within arms reach that are making out with each other AGGRESIVELY. Like I can see 100% of a boob
For future reference, this is Trevors little sisters phone now. Trevs number is 484 XXX XXXX. Great story tho
Just saw ur first draft of ur suicide note.
You spelled "worthless" wrong.
he like comes into my room and is like..."can you fix my pants" and then just drops trou
I just added her as a friend on Facebook. I met her 5 minutes ago and there are already more than 50 pics of me uploaded... from other nights.
no, literally. he fb chatted me and said "since you're online i figured we could bang tonight?"
An we can hold bottles of vodka in our hands singing yo ho a pirates life for me
Its a sick, sad, world when parents get more ass then you.
Please tell me those naked pics were not your mom. Lie if you have to.
Every time you mention the threesome around him I will high five you. Do what you will with this information.
tuscaloosa is terrifying
like people here are just empty shells of drugs and sin
there is no mercy here
Yeah I either headbutted a street sign while texting or I defended you two from an evil gang of nazi muggers. I was black out so I am gonna assume it was option b.
Why is the turtle in the toilet again?
Well as I was puking in the tub I put him in there to keep me company but I am almost positive the original setup was him in the tub and me next to the toilet...I hope he likes tequila
He sent me a pic of his coffee mug to be like "I'm having coffee too.” \nImagine that. Morning coffee. In your boring ass mug. Dick pic or gtfo.
Randomize
