There's a man in a pair of gray footie pajamas and a paper crown watching the kids at the playground. It was easier to tell who was a pedophile before Where the Wild Things Are came out.
Used tampon in my purse. That from you?
He spent the whole night convincing me I wasn't fat, but after we had sex he said "Oh, I see what you mean"
I just introduced him to multiple male orgasms. I love wine AND tequila
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So i learned you can't hair-of-a-dog jaeger hangovers.
"Let's chug a beer then make out" doesn't sound as nice, but it would prob make him cum right there.
Remember when we saw my neighbor taking dick pics of himself? He's back at it!
Also, I might need your help for a prank involving a hand puppet, a coke bottle, double-sided tape, and my dick...
she just stared at nothing and then looked at me and goes, "that's a weird place to put the wall"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He could smell the liquor on my breath. Fuck. I thought he would smell French toast.
He is dating a girl who is on the Olympic shooting team...I've never been so scared to hit on a guy with a girlfriend in my entire life.
I paused the movie when the delivery guys arrived, and while they were assembling the bed, one of the guys pointed to the tv and said "why so serious?" And it made the whole experience happy.
My manager said you offered to make out with him to ensure I keep my job if I didn't show up to work today
He stopped mid sex to pour wine in my mouth...
Marry him.
i got woken up by a cockroach crawling onto my hand and now i'm pretty sure i'll never be clean again
Randomize