youre totally missing out on eating your boogers right now. my entire face is numb
No mixer. Vodka in yogurt?
So if you ever need to know a guy who knows a guy who knows a guy that can put a 24oz beer can up his ass... Hit me up...
They have chocolate covered tequila candy at work. This is not a drill. May be drunk by noon.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Im gonna take a shit then figure out how to be better at basketball
we left when one of the guys tried to stick himself with an IV that he found
I'm drunk at 3:28
I'm jealous as shit at 3:34
i cant believe we used adam and eve as a sexting theme last night
A boy in some branch of the military kissed me I think I'm going through an American sniper phase
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So, no matter what happens today, hold on to this. At least you're not naked under your ex husband's trench coat being stopped by the police who also work with your ex husband. Long story. Actually, not a long story. That's it.
There are far too many naked dudes in your apartment, and they aren't even watching porn. I mean seriously, they've got the Lion King on.
Not my fault the fence refused to just break when I ran into it.
I just bought two cartons of ice cream, 5 boxes of mac and cheese and a bridal magazine. Don't judge me.
when she didn't finish her burrito you wanted to call the cops because you said it was neglect
I'm completely creeped out. He's dressed as me. And thinks it's funny.
Randomize