I just want you to know that me val and amanda are drinking on top of a hill lookig at the chicago skyline drinking icehouse and we just peed in public.
I showed him my bush... on skype.
I'm so cold I just used my boobs to keep my face warm
I am growing concerned with the number of people here in cowboy hats
They thought I was the paid stripper pretty much, and a lady tried to set me up with her nephew and then wanted to get my number for lesbian daughter... A typical night for me
You only ask me to come over when your gf is gone, and thats usually at midnight to cook chicken salad and watch you pass out
He's bringing condoms over for me in case we "bone".... the fact he calls it boning is not a great start.
Hi, this is a test of the morning after apology broadcast system. If you're receiving this pre-recorded message there is a high probability I was a dickwad to you in the past 24 hours. You have my utmost and sincere apologies. Also if you have my wallet, house key, left converse, or lighter, give them/it back
I had to drink a couple beers this morning so I could attend the keg race. Hangover had to dissipate or it wasn't happening.
okay yeah but you've seen me eat jambalaya naked
Found sauce from last night's pizza rolls wedged under my phone case... While sitting in my 8 am class. What happened last night?
YOURE A FUCKING ADULT. DONT TELL ME ITS PAST YOUR BEDTIME WHEN I WANT TO GET ANOTHER COCKTAIL.
My professor just told my lab he could drive us around town in his 1991 Lincoln towncar limo for our bar crawl. This just keeps getting better!
Tomorrow I'm going to tape my thumbs to my palms and my biceps to my abdomen to learn what it's like to be a t-rex for a day. Anyone else in?
Whatever you wanna call it i just wanna get railed tonight
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