she took her clothes off and my dick went from =====> to =>
My landlord doesn't knock anymore when he shows the apt... So i just had sex in front of a family.
didn't stop?
naw, they were rude, not me.
does anyone know how to get red sharpie out of a white cat?
We're gonna go drive around campus and throw water balloons at all the drunk bitches wobbling around, wanna come?
I'll be there soon. I expect Advil and a bucket of kittens when I arrive.
One good thing about being really drunk when you go out to dinner is that the leftovers are a surprise. These quesadillas had shrimp in them! Who knew?
In the middle of having sex she stopped, said "guess what, it's clitoris awareness week" and then continued fucking me
Nope I went the fuck home like an adult
Also, if he asks how he's doing orally I can probably ask if we're exchanging Christmas presents?
Morning! Im using your rent money to snort percocet.
The hat, the beard, the hard posing - like who does he think he is?
A bag of dicks
That's dating life
I had to fake it. He was punching my vagina like it owed him money and enough was enough.
How much glitter would I have to ingest in order for a "magnificent" amount to appear in my ejaculate?
I fucked him on shrooms. His dick looked like a missile and he had snakes coming out of his ears. It. Was. AWESOME!
i woke up between my boyfriend and his sister and i don't know if we fucked or cried together
Randomize
