You should've come with us, we're at Home Depot looking for men.
I either just got cockblocked or saved from a lengthy court case so I'm kinda conflicted about how my night went.
Received world's greatest BJ while in a planetarium. Was seeing stars while seeing stars.
Listening to Joy Division and applying for Walmart. You get to choose which one is more depressing.
just shottied a beer can with a pumpkin carver. i love October.
I just won't go as hard tonight. Four dollar ladies night drink or drown is not a good idea for me. I like to get my money's worth.
I guess at this point I should stop judging guys on their looks and more on their major and trust fund. Growing up sucks.
Status Uddate: I lost half a tooth and Alison is taking Amy Grant requests via bullhorn
OH MY GOD DO YOU REMEMBER WISHBONE? DO YOU REMEMBER THAT LITTLE BITCH? WHAT'S THE STORY WISHBONE
I just quit my job so I could get dick this weekend. I'm pretty sure my need for dick is much more important than the customers' needs.
Why is there a chocalet milkshake outside our front door?
Alcohol
I asked him for something to clean up with after sex and he handed me a sham wow. A SHAM WOW
I'm at my friends house alone, she's at spin class so I'm wearing her engagement ring and eating buffalo wings. It's 9:30am. Happy Valentine's Day.
dude, she has my telletubby sweats and my good sweatshirt hostage, I can't risk their safety with a breakup
Who the fuck just called me and played funkytown
Randomize
