My mom was talking about how protein is essential to strong bones and then I told her, I'll give you protein.
How unfortunate for your Mom.
Last night was epic. Hooked up with Emma Watson, found twenty bucks, and then passed out on my floor.
No you didn't. You drank unbelievable amounts of 151, passed out in someone else's bathroom, and we carried you back to your floor. Nice dreams though.
she told me her two favorite things were grocery stores and dick.
Whatever. I'll let someone else deal with his flacid penis.
when I sang my humps to you I meant it.
I brought some guy back to have cheese whiz with me. Then sent him home
Was he satisfied?
No, and very vocal about it.
Had a dream I beat up niall then madeout with him while snorting coke out of a dragons egg
One small step for man, one big gay fierce leap for gays!
well a fat roach just fell out of my hair. so there's that
So I just realized I have three bananas, seven condoms, three lube packets, three tampons, and a shot glass in my bag but no pen #modelstudent
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like running into your ex boyfriend at the liquor store at 3 in the afternoon.
At one point she put on my dads pants and yelled after him EMILIOOOO! Dude, my dads name is Mark.
The good news is I woke up fully clothed, on top of my covers, with a half eaten granola bar. So, breakfast was waiting for me and I’m already dressed and ready to go today.
yeah. i tried to refuse to leave unless the burger king himself escorted me out. that didnt fly
there is puke in my bra ... again
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