very cute, but more "I wanna put you in my pocket and keep you as a pet" and less "please bang me" type of cute.
Cool, see you soon... she just admitted to her friends that it was a queef.
i'm not sure when i reached "slam my own hand in the door" status but my half attached fingernail is not grateful.
Not a chance. She stuck her hand under my kilt and she told the whole table I was indeed commando. She broke all the rules.
Taking shots with an iv of fluids in, because I work tomorrow. That's responsibility. Employee of the month right here.
I gave you a lap dance in a bowling alley... And I was Fine?
In a shocking revelation, I learned that the Easter Sunday shit show happened not because of vodka but because my gay neighbor drugged me.
I gasped. Both pairs of lips did.
Duuuuuuuuuuck. and by that i mean fruuuuuuuuck. and by that i mean fuuuck
Would you please stop exposing your tits on my couch?
Fuck you, my tits are fabulous
Basically taped my dick down because it's too obvious in this costume...
I'm drunk from drinking bourbon out of a "cupcake sippy cup" at the Denny's bar. What the fuck happened to the goals I had?
I was going to learn how to knit but I got high instead.
So far my survey results are telling me to pawn the ring. Thoughts?
I really appreciate you taking the time to blur out my excessive boob cleavage for instagram
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