from now on my penis is your penis
I just hatefucked a Bush administration appointee. Now having celebratory mimosas.
Would it be too much if i wore depends to new moon so i dont miss any of it?
About to fuck some random fraternity guy I met at a party. I guess this would be the right time to say I don't want to be with you anymore.
something isn't right. i offered to be his sex slave and he declined..
Good thing it was his birthday because I accidentally grabbed his dick at the bar. A lot.
Hahhaha I literally just rolled outta bed and went to get beer in my pj's and slippers. God I love graduating
Just in case you were wondering I sent you a text at 4:37 in the morning because I woke up on the side of the highway at that time
Yep I can make a seagull sound. It's identical. I tried it. They thought I was talking to them. It's pretty cool.
He had a drawn-on fu manchu and now my vagina has one too.
I feel like captain Morgan put his peg leg up my ass
Can I trade you chipotle for a pregnancy test?
Take the weirdness of Japan and add the insanity of Florida and that's Jimmy
I have a whole new respect for her. She chugged half a bottle of jack daniels, and then peed all over his wall. Serves him right.
Actually, my eyes didn't start bleeding until the next day. So it was a pretty awesome night overall.
Randomize
