I think i peed on brittanys purse
I hate it when I can only see straight when I close one eye. I feel like that deserts the purpose of seeing with two eyes
Decided against hooking up with creepy stalker guy for a ride to work. I feel I've earned a few self respect points back.
Found half of a five day old piece of pizza behind my dresser. Apparently it was drunkenly set there and got knocked down. It was such a happy reminder of last weekend.
I found a cheeseburger next to my tub once. It's there to shame you, but it always just makes me feel more awesome.
Thank you for not puking on my lap during the first class of the semester. And fuck you for doing it in the second.
The hookup that almost was... Both partys too drunk to migrate to the other.... the universe has won this one.
I put you to bed and you would not go unless I let you sleep with the vodka
I feel like I deserve an award for facing my fear of penises in my face.
Also, my aunt grabbed my phone and downloaded the scriptures. Apparently I need Jesus.
I enjoy the level of friendship we have achieved until you ask me to determine what may or may not be gentile warts via iphone pic
I told my manager that I would be coming in to work either high from edibles on purpose or tripping on acid by accident so he knows to check my work tomorrow.
Also my bed has glitter in it for reasons I do not recall
He's far too busy staring into my soul to touch my tits.
I'm not over that dildo rifle story. I don't think I ever will be.
He asked me to come stay with him so he could "see that ass and watch Harry Potter."
Randomize
