You would DIE at the bar we're at right now. All indian/asian med students, I swear
Asian doctor ratio. So hot. I would've gone into heat
"you've got the devil in yuh. the curse of Jesus is coming on your sex soon." That's what a homeless guy just told me.
He asked for his proof of insurance and he pulled out a Magnum by mistake. All of the sudden gignger was looking real good to me.
he gave me an orgasm. multiple times. the weird stuff he did in middle school is now irrelevant.
i decided to cut a 3rd hole in to my snuggie so i could masturbate all the time.. all time low? or genius?
I hope this adventure ends at a hospital
Bro I can't jerk it to my phone anymore. I feel Siri staring back, and she's real disappointed.
Yea, I had a chaperone thankfully. I'm in the fetal position attempting to eat captain crunch now.
No no no no no no.... That's my emergency bottle for when I realize I've hit rock bottom
I'm drunk in your building find me and we can have sex.
I was just randomly reminded of the night you were wrapped up in a bed sheet carrying a full bottle of cookie dough vodka and warning neighbors of the weirdos running around
I just wanna be able to fart and do my homework but he won't leave
I AM NOT LOSING TO SOME FICTIONAL CROSSDRESSER
you were shouting "me peeing on him is the closest he'll EVER get to my vagina!"
I just volunteered myself to get tazed this should get interesting
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