she took her clothes off and my dick went from =====> to =>
New requirements. My future husband must have a nose ring and wear headbands.
We are no longer friends.
Chris' response to jim throwing up was taking off his shirt and saying WHO WANTS A BONER
So I went to have a snack...can you please tell me why there's a condom in the hummus?
he just told me i make him happier than drugs. that's some serious shit right there
I'm sorry for coming into your work place and trying to smuggle you out in my purse.
So apparently I shook her hand very polite, said weiner and walked away
Yeah he gave the rest of the brownies to the bouncer that took his fake
Between the booze, mechanical bulls, and penis's I think my body hates it when I'm single
Sorry I dragged you across a parking lot
Dude, you left ME alone in your house. With your fully-stocked wine cellar. Why would you do that to yourself?
Remember when we tried to have fun last time..? I got put in a choke hold and you woke up in some ones car.
I could have been on my second lucrative divorce by now, but nooooo, I had to be a strong independent woman.
Dude. why do I feel like I am cheating on you every time I do shrooms?
Remember when we thought adulthood would be different than college?
It is different. We had hopes and dreams back then. Now we're just alcoholics.
Randomize
