he looked like jesus. just the kind of jesus i would have sex with.
Last time I get high to write a paper the night before it's due. "Tiny Wings and sexuality" is not an acceptable topic to for a paper. Class in 30 minutes. I'm fucked...
Happy heartbreak day....you got chocolates, I'm eating them/ throwing them out the window at passing couples
Thanks for bailing me out last night guys. it's bullshit that everbeering people at bars is illegal. bitches have no sense of adventure anymore
Did you know that scruff feels epic on boobs especially when they are covered in whip cream?
Where are you? I hear fireworks and you've gone missing. I'm sure that is not coincidence.
If you value your immune system buddy, walk away from that one.
You were dancing with his friend and you stopped to literally push the girl he was dancing with out of the way to make out with him
I don't care how fucking drunk you are, you don't forget wanting to shove a wine bottle up someone's ass.
She's takin more dicks this month than I have in my life by the sounds of it
I got my period today and I cried tears of joy. And then just cried because my cramps are actually killing me from the inside out.
We had a quickie at work in the office. He walked out before me, and I fell asleep while waiting a few minutes to walk out. Yeah. He's got that change your life dick
He took my Spanx off and still fucked me twice. I call that success.
If we hadn't just agreed to no commitment, i'd totally propose right now. Best. Fuckbuddy. Ever.
last night I mixed vodka in with my protein shake... and you tell me my new years resolution was impossible
Randomize
