did not feel like going to store to get condoms last night so went to her pantry and got a sandwich bag and a rubberband
did it work?
nope
I think "bars open christmas minneapolis" is the saddest google search i've ever done.
all he has to do is look at me on new years and hes getting laid. thats how hot he is
The one wearing a viking helmet and holding a bottle of Smirnoff. She's laying on the floor of the tube singing "cant find my way home" . You can't miss her..
This girl caught me staring at the cat but stroking the computer because it was closer, which is why I hate blunts.
I an in a belgian bar and i cant understand shit. Trying to talk to strangers. Getting drunk until we all speak the same language. Brace for updates.
He was all like, "I think ur the one that got away and I miss you." I replied, "I gave u a hand job once in your hot tub. No need to wax nostalgic about it."
Please send me a thumbs up pic afterwards. No homo. After you've redressed and are heading for the walk of shame out of course
when you're a senior and the freshman guy you wake up next to asks who you are, you DO NOT give him your real name.
I'm really tired of this guy walking his chicken in my neighborhood.
I'm not getting off this floor. I love this floor
I mean, we were all drinking, but I'm pretty sure kidnapping came up.
It happend again, swimming on the floor... Vodka is my friend
I once broke a mans heart just to get laid by a premature ejaculator
Well I just masturbated while reading a recipe for Alfredo sauce so I guess you could say I’m growing up
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