on the way home the dog started throwing up her bone in the car..so naturally i started to puke too
i just got cum up my nose. i would have expected more from the captain of the men's lacrosse team
Puked in my laptop case in the middle of my nutrition class.
My roommate's all sad and is crying and the chick I want to bang is in the room and Nic Cage is on fire. What the fuck.
There comes a time where you just have to sit back and watch the drunken idiots pee on each other
No, not normal drunk. Wake up on a trampoline with a naked chick you've never seen before drunk. I think i missed my first trampoline sex...
Pretty sure the shower sex fucked up my hip alignment... im walking like im 104 today
Just got kicked out of two hot tubs. We were naked the second time. So awkward getting out in front of the security guard.
What part of a retired stonemason dealing with your rock hard cock does not sound like you have the wrong number ?
Are u guys proud? I puked my brains out last night at a strip club. While my two fave strippèrs held my hair
We had sex in his hot tub. Then we saved a mouse that almost drown in his pool. We celebrated our heroism with more sex.
Just got the test results back; apparently I'm red-green colorblind. this explains the past 18 years of my life and i'm wondering why i didn't realize this sooner
He and his ex stood there talking about going to get Chinese food while I was half naked searching for my panties
Who the fuck hid 3 Zimas under my pillow?! Icing doesn't count when it's 8am the next morning and everyone's left and you've passed out on your couch. Currently chugging 2 of 3...
Just got your voicemail. The 3am call wasn't a drunk dial, it was an I left my phone in my pocket then has wild animalistic sex dial...
I hate you.
You LOVE me.
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