My entire life is one complicated drinking game
you went around and groping mens pants to see "which was worthy" of you to go home with.
We found him pissing on the sidewalk in his socks signing the national anthem. I love you summer.
As per my father's affair, married men are no longer off limits.
im probably shirtless right now with a bottle of jack watching horton hears a who. this is a judgement free zone.
she let a homeless guy feel her up so she could go for a ride in his shopping cart
I overcharge people for their weed so you can have yours for free, because I care
They've taken all the lighthearted fun out of S&M.
I don't know man. She said my cock made her promises my heart couldn't fulfill.
That's really the only reason I'm dating you, the prospect that I might get bacon
May I the honors of taking your dick tonight?
The honor would be all mine.
But he said I was unpatriotic for not having sex with him. What was I suppose to say to that?
We are never doing shots of gin. Never again.
I'm pretty sure that's exactly what we're doing.
I’m getting back at my ex and training my new boy toy how to properly satisfy a woman. I’m killing two birds with one dick.
Clearly the Stanley Cup Finals good luck hand job IS necessary. You let the whole team down.
Randomize
