This random guy just introduced himself then said "So, I am staying at my friends place and he has a 4 year old, so we should probably go back to your house." WTF kind of vibes do I give off?
i'm surrounded by gay midgets. not sure if i'm bragging or asking you to come rescue me. wait for follow up.
I told him I'd give him a BJ if he admited Hanson was good.
My therapist said that she thinks i may have a sex addiction. I think she may be a terrible therapist.
Want me to drive you to Dr. Drew's sex rehab?
Nah, cause then i cant masturbate to that show anymore.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You insisted on squirting shots of captain morgan in your mouth with a turkey baster by like 930.
Theres a picture of you standing next to a John Wayne cardboard cutout that says dont drink and drive. your buddy is shirtless holding a beer and youre holding your keys up with marker on your face.
dude i woke up sitting indian style with my face on the ground and my hand in a bucket of ice.
I guess my vagina missed him because it called and left a 5 min. message. Color me impressed
We are trying to penis chicken awkward them out. But I think it's a gay wedding. Backfiring. Heavily.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You rope them in with the looks and the boobs, and I'll bore them into submission with random trivia. We can't lose.
My doctor said I can only have one drink at a time, ever, from now on. My life has officially started its decline.
Never remove your contact lenses after eating an entire bag of spicy doritos.
This is a weird combination of planning and sexting but whatever
I would accept a super bowl ring as an engagement ring
Once you start using "cuddles" as a code word for sex you'll never get real cuddles again
Randomize