This is not my ceiling
yay america 4th of july drinking game. take a drink every time you hear or see a firework, finish your drink for a mention of mj or the gosselins, a shot for the words democracy,hope, freedom, terrorism
so apparently I plead the 5th to every question they asked me when they put me under the conscious sedation to set my broken wrist
should my penis look like a turkey
don't be alarmed if you come back and i'm passed out drunk and naked cuddling with the franzia.
Lost my key. Fell asleep on the doorstep and got woken up by host grandma poking me with a broom.
Finding a keg in our kitchen would be like god personally high fiving each of us.
Just seen a lady with the back of her head shaved and the rest of her hair in a pony tail like a sumo wrestler with a 6 inch glass dolphin hair clip. Nothing is going to ruin my day.
Im playing lifeguard in my own bathroom. How's ur night?
No, he went to go get condoms. The least I could do was chug two beers before he got back
Your brother's naked in the courtyard again. Just a head's up.
I think I'm destined to be the stoner version of one of those successful but emotionally unavailable characters Sandra Bullock always plays in movies
The stripper told Tom to sort his life out
Just watched a middle age white woman scream WHY DON'T YOU GO FUCK YOURSELF, HELEN?! Helen seemed absolutely scandalized.
my roommates gone so i can take codeine and sleep naked
Randomize
