its like randi wears special contacts, but instead of colors they make her eyes say "I want cock"
you know it's the perfect hook up when you don't have any friends in common with his girlfriend on facebook.
Fell in the ditch running from the pizza guy I stole the pizza from. If you are still at my house come find me, pretty sure I need stitches.
I tried exercising today. I ended up masturbating to the Wii fit trainer.
I am going to be fat forever.
I dove into a random van at the bar as the door was closing and ended up at some house with people I've never met in my life dancing in a basement
I was literally convinced that the turkey wrap i was eating was keeping me alive. And i couldnt have been happier. That high.
He wants a "vagina fling" before he commits to dick for life. I'm gonna allow it.
With the drought our water bill is skyrocketing. No more shower sex, masturbating, or pretending to be under a water fall after smoking a blunt.
Why we can't turn this into a healthy friendship where I cheat on my boyfriend with you and you feel better knowing everything wrong with my life is beyond me.
How bad would it be if I wore out the dress we got peed on in. You're the only one who knows.
It was awk he was sittin on a plastic backyard chair in his underwear and high white socks in the dark watching the nuggets game
I started singing I believe I can fly in the shower and it was like the first stage of insanity
I feel like a pile of chihuahua shit that got eaten by a Great Dane who puked it up and then set it on fire.
I give all credit to my lucky thong, there's never a time I haven't gotten laid while wearing it
MY BUTT IS BIG ENOUGH FOR AN ANACONDA AND HE DOESNT GET TO ENJOY IT TOUGH SHIT
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