scratch lunch, i just found about 7 more dicks drawn on my back
Well, she's officially disappointed in me. I have it writing.
Don't use the things I tell you while drunk after the bruins won the cup against me
Im in Ft Meyers right now looking right at an alligator. I have had a couple of beers and people are telling me not to feed him but Im gonna do it anyway.
Golf group in front of us has 2 hooker caddies. One guy was getting a lap dance as he waited to tee off. Only in vegas.
If I don't survive tonitght I would like to thank you for the ricekrispy treats. I am majestic
last night we stole an a/c window unit from a frat. gonna be a great summer
Plus it's a good way to scope out guys. Have them fight for you, like real males do in nature.
FYI you are now my emergency contact at plan parenthood
I emailed the police apartment to apologize to the officer from last night. I practically threw a hissy fit because he wouldn't hug me.
It was "against protocol"
Apparently you can unlock an iPad by doing a line on the lock screen I'm about to bust that myth
I saw seagulls fucking earlier today. What have you done with your life recently?
Just beer bonged through a snorkel, add that to the list
She was drunk running in the middle of the street when a cop saw her,picked her up and dropped her off at her house. This really doesn't surprise me.
I should have known when she mixed malibu and V8. It smelled just like tanning oil and when she drank it she said "Oh well, not the first time."
Randomize
