I can't get into him, he looks really young. I'd feel like I was blowing the Gerber baby.
You drank almost the entire bottle of everclear and wanted to walk around. I guess your best friends sister is a cop and you wanted her to arrest you like the lil wayne song.... so sorry dude.
I think I might.. possibly.. like a Justin Bieber song.
I think you might... possibly... have sprouted a vagina.
He invited me to see "alison wonderland" WHAT THE FUCK THATS NOT A FIRST NAME/LAST NAME TYPE DEAL
We banged through her entire lady gaga playlist. I can die happy now
Most likely. calling 911 isnt usually something i do the first time i hang out w. someone, but hey. its a good story now.
seriously. next time...underwear. I'm not spending any other holiday season wondering if it'll be my last babyless one.
I'm gonna give him birthday punches. On the dick. With my mouth.
Apparently "I have the beer shits" isn't the excuse my boss wanted to hear. So sue me
are you just inviting me because you can't afford an actual stripper?
Dude I puked in a snow bank and then fell face first into it
I told him I want him to read me my Miranda rights while he's fucking me. Act exactly like he does while he's on duty except with his dick out.
Shit happens dude.
Shit doesn't just HAPPEN on the kitchen floor you asshole.
If wanting to text you my feelings after three mojitos is wrong I don't wanna be right.
You’ve seen my tits of course he broke his wedding vows
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