I hope my future cuntsucker is that tight
we hate each other therefore the sex is mindblowing
They poked me and kept screaming "LAUGH DOUGH BOY" it's like 3rd grade all over again.
Just realized how many men I've had sex with for the first time in St. Patty's Day past. Currently sending "HAPPY SEXIVERSARY" texts...
So when I eventually, if ever, find someone I'd like to marry, do you think having people fly to africa for a lion king themed wedding is too much?
I want to be the sort of person he can respect in the morning once the drugs wear off.
i think the last part kind of negates the first part there
You were outside cuddling a rock singing Bohemian Rhapsody.
You need to stop me from lighting my hand on fire next time we're working
I feel like I should pray to the god of Febreze, because it is like it washes away the smell of all my sins from the bed
what's your room number? I've never been there sober...
I feel like ditching all logic and responsibility and get shit-faced before the week's over. Thoughts?
my dad walked in on me peeing into the trashcan in our kitchen last night at like 2am. wtf
Legit sprained my cooter. No joke. Icing her down as we speak.
Idk she seemed really innocent until she snorted that line of vicodin
His birthday is on cinco de mayo and he doesn’t drink or like tacos. What a waste.
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