Houston.. we have a drinking problem..
Would you feel weird if I asked out ___?
You dont call on our son's bday but you want to know if I'll give you permission to date my best friend?
So...no?`
did you mean anything you said last night? i just wnna know
no
I'm sorry but when I'm riding in the trunk on the way to mcdonalds at 6 am I just don't want to listen to reba macintire
i don't think my dad can get all that mad since he got arrested for almost exactly the same thing last weekend
She poured a bottle of rum in the champagne fountain, did like 5 jello shots at the same time, then lit herself on fire. Twice. This is how everyone should turn 21.
Just headbutted a photographer. This convention just got really interesting.
Meeting his dad and brother for the first time at the jail while I'm bailing him out ISN'T exactly how I pictured this relationship going....
I just had sex in the men's bathroom of a Chinese buffet...
YOU ARE MY HERO
cops tried arresting me on the way to class this morning.. this is my life.
Look,the guy had sex w/a Canadian prison guard on the deck of a cruise ship,he could blow any second.
Do you remember when you first moved into my parents house with me and we came home to find that my dad bolted the headboard to the wall
Just because you are home alone for the weekend doesn't mean you can act like a nudist.
I accept your opinion but respectfully disagree. Also, I'm sitting in your chair.
IF YOU DIE ON LSD YOU DIE FOR REAL
You mentioned his name and i threw up a little.
Randomize
