I prefer the term 'tenderly watching'
such a stalker...
she wanted to love me. she just didn't know it yet.
the beds are so narrow its like a jenga threesome
Im watching hello kitty on qvc debating if its a good idea to cook bagel bites on my space heater
Even DaVinci knew it was gay to draw the penis big. Thanks art history
thanks for stopping by when you did. making a meatball quesadilla while high was a bad choice
I just figured out that you can toast a marshmallow with a butter knife and a cigarette lighter. I'm like a retarded Mister Wizard
Dear, was it your thong we found wrapped around my hairbrush next to Rachel's bed? Please explain.
Unless you have figured out how to blow me through the phone don't drunk dial me.
We just broke my bed mid-sex, laughed, then continued. If that isn't true love I don't know what is.
Im shooting goldshlager and waxing my crotch
60% of the guys I've slept with are on my holiday greeting card mailing list. I'm an amazing ex lover.
I wonder if Paul and Andy realize how lucky that they are that we're too lazy to start fucking other dudes so we just stick with them
Can't we just go back to fucking and having your boyfriend think you're completely straight?
I got home and found him passed out in my tank top so i think i'll put lipstick on him and mass text a picture to everyone in his phone. that's what he gets for eating all my wheat thins
Literally just stood behind a guy in line at Walmart get his card declined when he attempted to purchase condoms. That's rock bottom.
Randomize
