Last night you told her she was rocking the beer gut. Still wondering why you have that black eye?
so do the steelers give the refs blowjobs at halftime or after the game?
When she can manipulate the direction of her leg hair, you know its time to leave
College is the ONLY place where you can pass off morning sickness as being hungover. I'm currently pouring beer in a spray bottle so I can spray it on myself and smell drunk.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Do u feel more socially accepted since someone else made up their girlfriend too?
Lets play a game called: how out of it are you today? Let me know if you can beat driving on the wrong side of the road twice and walking up two extra flights of stairs just because you weren't paying attention to what floor you are on....
Itd be nice if there was a level of interest in me somewhere in between the indifference and obsession that I've only been attracting
Officially crunch time. It's my last year of grad school and I've yet to get blown in a school library. The parking garage was less than a block away though.
It's gotten to a point that when guys say "I'm gonna cum" I've developed a habit of responding "dooo itttt" in a deep voice. #isthatweird
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
All she has to do is text me and my dick gets hard. It doesn't matter what it's about. Last text was about a homeless dude
I'm not winning any crowns in the Miss Emotionally Stable pageant either...
I just got back like 5 minutes ago, I have two champagne bottles that I carried with me on the train home and a Dunkin donuts coffee cup full of stolen butter, I've been in a windowless room for the last 6 hours, time does not exist
what is your life
Free champagne that's what
So uh... Did you mail me business cards that describe my profession as "tortured soul"?
some kid just came up 2 me bleeding yelling "thats how u riot"
Sometimes i wish my vagina automatically turned itself off when i'm legally drunk.
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