I am intoxicated and cannot bring you a burrito. However, if you want to bring ME one...
the first sign of life we got from you was four hours later. you smiled without opening your eyes when tom whispered in your ear we were getting buffalo wings.
Slutapocalypse this thursday. Invite every freshieee you hooked up with this semester to my house. Think of it like a meet n greet for them and battle of the sluts for us.
I could be wrong, but im pretty sure i jumped off the roof after my lighter.
I just ran into the married chick you banged 2 years ago at our apt! She asked me if I could get her coke! Memories bro. Memories
Want to know what makes for a better story than treehouse sex? Getting busted during treehouse sex
I'm going to empty my bank account and roll around in the cash. Want to join?
What is she getting? Last time we talked her behavior was conducive to getting a tramp stamp on her face.
I would have been the big man on campus...just flop my wang out on the table and how them what they were gonna deal with if they dropped the soap
DISHONOR ON YOU. DISHONOR ON YO FAMILY. DISHONOR ON YO COW
you're right. a strip only looks good in porn . mine just looks like a fucked up mullet
She just started crying. With my dick still inside her. Something about her grandpa.
All I know is I woke up cuddling a jar of peanut butter....
There is blood all over my sheets and no discernible source.
My liver is going to reject life during Greek Week
How many liver transplants can a person have? Bc you may need a couple
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