i barfeds in our rink
she has double-d's AND she knows what level Pidgeot evolves. don't tell me she's not a keeper
Just saw an old lady vomit in a trash can at the airport. I instinctively called her a pussy. College has ruined us.
The nurse told me they're using the same medicine that killed michael jackson.
How would u feel about transportimg a penis shaped ice luge to nashville?
He is now tagging himself in my pics from last year where he is barely visable in the corner. i feel like he's marking his territory.
the night probably should have been over when the guy let her fill out my mechanical bull waver for me because i couldn't read
Got serenaded to on the streets of Denver...the song was about a young banana that made really big decisions, got stds, and joined a gang. I think I like Colorado
Dude, I just hit your nipple with a bottle of lube while you were wearing a shirt, 10 feet away without my glasses and I only have "not bad" aim?
In other news I think my vagina is sunburnt
I'm glad you don't care about kids. That's one of your better qualities.
The moment you tore my shirt off I knew I wanted to spend the rest of my life with you
No i dont need a babysitter i have my cats. Cats can dial 911 ya know
Why did u text me "I want to get drunk and go to pizza hut tomorrow. don't let me forget." at 3am??
That text was pretty fucking self-explanatory, man.
Do you know why I slept in the yard last night?
You said you watched the lion king stoned and had to do it for simba.
Pride rock will get you every time.
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