Only you could manage to look like a complete slut while wearing a turtle neck.
Thought I woke up to a girl giving me a handy. It was a male nurse inserting a catheter.
if you want blown tonight you're gonna have to take me up on that offer now. in less then 45 minutes you're gonna be blacked out and i'm not doing something i'm not getting credit for in the morning.
There is a mosh pit in our kitchen. You better hurry.
He just referred to his foreskin as a snuggie. Help.
I am never taking advice from you again. The high heels in the shower were a bad idea. I orgasmed and almost drowned.
Ideas for halloween. We need simple yet hilarious. Cheap yet effective. Slutty yet acceptable. Go.
Do you ever feel like your dog agrees with you? Like REALLY really agrees.
I'm hoping they send me home from work drunk.
Guess I was throwing darts at a patrons head last night, lol! Black out
all i remember is slapping you in the face with a slice of pizza while laughing maniacally.
Ur here to start shit and I'm here to light that shit on fire
You know you gave a quality blow job when you have to ice your neck and jaw the next day.
You had all day to plan ahead & get mixers, so whose fault is this sobriety?
Lost and found: pink cotton underwear next to my bed and soaking wet Reebok socks or boxers in a plastic bag...in my fridge🤔
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