he just had his sister send me a message about how he's not a creeper
Was his mother too busy breastfeeding him to do it?
I feel fat after drinking my meal replacement shake.
I added chocolate sauce, a bsg of m&ms and a crushed up brownie to make it taste better.
my math professor just wrote "parallel" on the board, but spelled it "pararrel". guess what country he's from
she went to pee and i could hear her singing "Drip Drip Drop LIttle April Showers" from Bambi through the door.
I felt weird they were both staring at me waiting for the scoop on how your vagina felt.
It's sore actually
Definitely got drunk and sent her a literal picture of my asshole. I titled it " you"
there was a 40 knocked over. chips and salsa all over the floor. and she was in her thong doing boot camp on demand in the middle of the room..
This girl would not stay down. It was like night of the living dead. She kept on rising up to haunt anything with a penis
looking at my texts from you makes me want to throw up in my pants
Dude, I had to stop mid fuck. Her cat was swatting at my balls as I did her from behind. I couldve lost something.
In times of desperation, never...NEVER put green apple scented hand sanitizer on your vagina.
i tied my phone to a string attached to my bra. i am NOT losing it tonight
Can I just buy you sex toys as a wedding gift? Bc I’m here for that and you
I’m ready to be reckless and make stupid decisions, and I need you to support me in that.
IM HAMMERED AND JUST HAD CHEESECAKE THAT MADE ME FEEL LIKE NO MAN HAS EVER MADE BE FEEL BEFORE.
Randomize
