there's nothing like watching the sun rise at the library alone on a friday morning to make you want to kill yourself.
You said you didn't deserve to walk so you started crawling down to your room
I miss your penis. And I totally say this as a friend. I just miss it because it's great. You should be very proud of it.
There are 9 condoms on my bed either i met the greatest girl ever last night or something horrible has happened.
when i was alone, his dick was there for me...
Drunk sex destroyed my coffee table... ikea this weekend?
Who topped off the "random beer mix" beer bong with a pinch of pepper?? All you could taste was busch and pepper...
And there was a legally blind kid in a ref costume doing surprisingly well at beer pong who was passing out business cards
I feel like our lives always have been and always will be a never ending drunken rampage full of pregnancy scares and lost brain cells
not even kidding I just received the single most greatest head I have ever had.. It was unreal. It was like stick my dick into a silk bag of puppy ears.
When you glanced over and and mouthed "I'll take the fat chick" I knew it was going to be an epic Sunday night.
He seems like a super lonely dude. I bet if I gave him a picture of my tits he wouldn't make me turn in this paper.
I'm trying to get laid this Halloween, not inspire the next season of AHS
I think we've gotten passed awkward... the day I woke up at the palms and ur getting eaten out by the dude who just fucked me on the balcony.
if happy hour never ends, you’ll never have to eat kale
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