There is something about listening to Patsy Cline while pooping that makes the experience so much better.
No idea how i never noticed that penis before. I wonder if it works
he fingered my asshole thinking it was my vag...I couldn't bring myself to tell him, mostly from shame for me and pity for him
Just saw the pics you left in my phone. thanks for reminding me that last night was not a dream.
she went to pee and i could hear her singing "Drip Drip Drop LIttle April Showers" from Bambi through the door.
just a question.. totally understand if you dont know what im talking about.. but.. do you have my funnel? i think i tucked it in to your bed last night.
I hate that you live in a gated community. I feel your guard judges me every time I go to your house at 3 am an leave at 5am
Oh my fucking god you idiot bitch just get here forget about the vodka the fucking cops are looking for you
Friends don't let friends drunk sleep in the dorm common room
I am officially now FB friends with my arresting officer.
i tied my phone to a string attached to my bra. i am NOT losing it tonight
He challenged me to a drink off, I couldn't just say no. It was a matter of pride really.
And as he was cursing your name from the bathroom you were ordering yourself another drink on his tab. The poor bastard had no clue you were a pro drunk
But the real reason your aunt is drunk crying is because she has already had four margs and went for a 5th and someone is trying to stop her
The lady at the liquor store in my hometown just gave ran around the corner and gave me a hug when I came back from being gone for a couple months. My life is complete.
It doesn't matter if it's only been 3 days since you last changed your sheets. If your fuck buddy comments on how your bed smells like sex, it's time to change them again.
Randomize
