I'm sorry my penis didn't work
We just made watching Intervention into a drinking game. We drink everytime someone does drungs.
my text book just quoted the cookie monster
who knew that if you vomit while skydiving the puke goes up towards the people that are behind you.
Managed to convince my mom that I had been home for 3 hours sleeping on the couch downstairs and this t-shirt was your dads. I am SUCH a fucking boss.
Sorry my moustache came off because I was face first in a layered bucket full of jello shots.
you were upstairs in your room looking out your window and saw him puking in your bushes outside. you then proceeded to open the window and sing Come To My Window
In her drunkenness, she packed a bag with tequila, two shot glasses, salt, a knife, and two pears. She was prepared but too high to distinguish pears from limes.
There is someone hissing in the hallway. Not even a typo. Not pissing. Hissing. Like a large cat. Or a komodo dragon.
Just watched my entire extended family eat salad out of the bowl i threw up in last night.
I just shit a hot coal. Pretty sure it's that fireball shot from yesterday.
I never thought my Saturday night would end up with someone crawling around my carpet for 3 hours trying to pick up spilled coke...
I never thought my Saturday night would end up with ME crawling around your carpet for 3 hours trying to save my investment.
For me the most fucked up part of last night was that I know for a fact that you were sober. But your dancing was a close second.
I saw a picture of a baby and it reminded me to take my birth control. Priorities
I just threw up on the way to class. Legit, on the sidewalk by psych building.
THAT WAS YOU? Psych prof just pointed out the window and said "that kids, is why you don't pregame before class"
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