they made me velveta mac and cheese and fish. I wanna stay here the rest of my life
ok, my life is complete.... the cops AND the paramedic just made a Mean Girls reference...
this whole plan B standoff thing with her is really starting to make me nervous
You scratched my dick last night. It deserves an apology and I fell that actions speak louder than words when it comes to apologies like this.
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Just witnessed a bar fight started by a guy wearing a construction vest cuz he didn't like the other guys shirt
My clothes are covered in blood and I feel like I drank a gallon of elephant cum...it's safe to say I'm hungover
I can only take thier stupid "I think beauty school is for me" routine so long until I have to bitch slap them with some knowledge
You are COMPLAINING that the sex was too good. You're not getting any sympathy from me
I'm about to punish you for sending me a Snapchat of your boyfriend's morning wood
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Smoked a blunt with my dad then introduced him to cinnabon delights. Today was a good day.
For me the most fucked up part of last night was that I know for a fact that you were sober. But your dancing was a close second.
He walked around my apt complex completely naked and started peeing in the maintenance because he thought it was the bathroom. So yeah, pretty drunk.
Maybe whip a sausage around while you do it and pour some beer on you. Like a German white snake video
i didnt realize that your first thought would be SEXUALIZING BREAD
You know it's a good May 2-4 when it involves 14 straight hours of vodka slush and garlic bread
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