I got chris browned last night
i just overheard my mom tell my dad he should drink less so he could hit the right hole
Tomorrow will not be complet unless someone eats me out. Just sayin
The vagina on Hilton Head is mighty fine this time of year.
Next time he asks to wax your nipple while you're passed out I promise I'll be sober enough to intervene.
He asked if I had feelings for him while I was lying naked on the floor vomiting into a trashcan as he held my hair and fed me Pringles.
I woke up with my panties in the cat food dish, and everything covered in honey and bruises.
Sometimes I really think that if... When your stoned you have a catlike ability to just relax in any position
I don't remember anything after falling in the ditch, but I now have confirmation that my rib is broken. Never drinking again.
i need some fresh meat. meat that has a license and a job and isn’t a FULL-blown alcoholic. partial i could tolerate, bc, haha, let’s be honest, me likey my drinkies.
There's a rash on my genitals that would like a word with you.
if people come over to pregame will you hide my Oreos?
He put his SoundCloud on his Tinder bio. I felt personally attacked.
Can't talk, ducks in the car
Had to clear my browser history. I figured if she used the search bar and her name came up, it might be a little creepy.
Randomize
