Just saw a car with license plate GYPSYS that was full of gypsies
so, my congressman just called me to say he has office hours this week if i'm still interested in talking to him. i pray to god this is not related to Friday.
My family just suggested tequila shots. I had Vietnam style flashbacks.
she told me if people cross their eyes and look at her, they say she looks like megan fox
I've decided that my night was probably over when I started eating the penne vodka with my hands.
It got messy; I did a shot of seamonkeys.
Who wants vodka and apple sauce
I have chafed skin from the handy she gave me. I told her that and she said return the favor when it heals. I'm in love.
Hey! I need booze. And penises. And a lot of mistakes that I will regret in the morning.
I wanna go back to school and change my major to psych just to make a case study out of her
The spirit of America is being too hungover to celebrate America right?
How many of my Tinder dates can my Christian roommate accidentally meet in the hallway at 3am before she's horrified and moves out?
So TMI but just realizing I have not masturbated since trump took office. He's sucked the sex drive out of me.
i told someone my fallback plan was to be a slutty bartender and i needed the practice as i straddled them to pour a shot
He ate me out in the warehouse on a pallet of sunlight soap. I fucking love night shift!
Randomize
