Almost ran you over in the parking lot. You look good
Guess who's still drunk but on time to court to represent a DUI?
You are my hero
so then they started chanting "LET'S GET A LITTLE BIT SCHWASTED. S-H-W-...WASTED!" theres nothing like partying with former high school cheerleaders
Jake just asked if thanksgiving was an american thing...I left the table
dude im at a party with a bunch of 17 year old gilrs this is awesome
no its not leave
If the boyfriend of the drunk girl you just met asks her if she made a "special friend" you're going to have a threesome. For future reference.
It was like the perfect storm of bad decisions.
Someone spilled vodka all over the elevator floor. Bring straws.
Exactly. This is the bit where I learn a heartwarming lesson about not making my drinks half vodka
Passing out on a toilet is not classy no matter what you're wearing. Not even a pea coat.
My dad used the quotation mark gesture with his hands when he asked how my "roommate" was doing.
That may be because I drunkenly sent him a pick of you two curled up together like kittens. Two very buff kittens.
theres too many punctuation errors in that text to turn me on.
He wore a t-shirt that had an arrow pointing to his crotch and "DO IT FOR THE VINE" on it.
At least he's honest about how long he'll last.
Just saw the pics from the bachelor party. When the hell did we go to southie. And why was there a chicken in the limo..? You guys really are my best friends.
I just remembered that I insisted everyone watch porn together last night.
Randomize
