The child next door sounds like he's having vigorous sex in the backyard and it's making me very, very uncomfortable. I don't want to look.
Having an 'SDSU Mom' sticker is just like say 'Hi, my daughter has an std"
I just went to a chocolate syrup wrestling party I think you need to get on my level
just woke up COVERED in glow sticks and glitter. didn't even have to turn the light on to puke.
I'm so proud of us for fucking the same friend group before we met in a completely unrelated instance.
You better not fucking die before we have sex while you blow fire. I'm serious. Don't mess up my sexual bucket list.
Did you ever stop and think that god invented whiskey dick specifically for me
i just like, need to vent to someone
Can we skip the part where I pretend to care and fast forward to the appreciative blowjob from you?
He looks like he got hit by a weed-eater with chlamydia
Well at least you learned that cops don't like when you call them frenchy. Nice dive over the fence by the way.
This hobo said he can't buy alcohol bc he got in trouble bc a girl sat on his face when he was passed out and misaligned his spine and gave him Alzheimer's so Ali is buying him a bottle. This is Vegas.
Get off me. I'm done. I want a cookie.
My goal is to have my roommate find me sprawled out in the middle of my floor naked and passed out. Maybe with some Alfredo chicken hanging out of my mouth. I don't know, we'll see where this goes.
Never do acid then ask for a blow job while watching 28 Days Later. Heed my advice.
She's currently singing "I'm gonna keep on lovin you" to her pillow. How do you think tonight went?
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