She has a concussion we think. Dancing to barbie girl.
So I went outside my house this morning and basically my entire front lawn is covered in gummi bears... I think that involves you guys.
she "accidentally" hit me with her car, its almost as if she know im fucking her boyfriend.
I am telling you that nothing wakes you up like stomach acid exiting your nostrils at 10AM
2pm: Breaking news alert: I think I'm finally sober. Oh, and that place needs hotter strippers.
i found him! he's on the front porch using a bag of potting soil as a pillow. i forgot i left him there.
I had to break up with him he didn't understand my priorities. I'm sorry but Saturday nights are for pot and Doctor Who. I'm not going to change who I am.
And the funny thing is when I went to the kitchen this morning, all 4 pizzas were still there in their boxes, untouched. My question to you is: what were we eating last night?
He tells me he loves me and I say I just want him for sex, then he looks at me like I just said I hate puppies. What kind of guy is he?
So update from last night: I made friends with a coke dealer, I tore the card scanner off the wall of my dorm, and I passed out on our bathroom counter with my head in the sink.
Just saw some dude tumble down the stairs of the bar while leaving...fist pump...and then sprint down the road
I was so stoned last night I got into an argument with your voicemail message.
I immediately retract my statement involving hylecopters being allowed to blow up sharks out of the water.... The idea if it is super incredible but ultimately it would be cruel and unessesary
I am serious when I say I think I broke a rib having sex with Kyle. It might be puncturing my lung. No lie. I might die today.
Im so fucked up I'm drinking baileys and coffee just to stay awake.
It's 6 in the afternoon?
Randomize
