Y'know, without the cops, it would've just been us daydrinking,
I had 4 margarita's and 2 mixed drinks and i blew zero's. Its a cinco de mayo miracle.
Dude their dog does tricks for sips of beer. He keeps going up next to people and trying to shake. This is awesome.
The cops forgot your handle of tequila when they took you away. Taking shots in your honor amigo
we got cut off at 8 am. He spilled his drink three times on the plane. this should be one hell of a vegas trip
Afraid I'm about to get arrested. Complicated situation but not a joke. If I do not text again that all is clear within 90 minutes kindly begin bail process. I have the cash to repay as soon as I get home. Details later.
This girl has a mullet weave. I missed oakland.
I used a jello pudding cup as a shot chaser last night. I'm the Bill Cosby of alcoholics
I'm in public and Taylor Swift is playing. It is taking all my effort to not screech like a goat.
I was chasing pulls of fireball with bites of a bagel and yelling at people to take tequila shots with me. I shouldn't be allowed to go out alone.
I just need you to appreciate that this is the first time I've ever been cut off and it's at an airport bar in Philly before 1 o'clock in the afternoon.
I just realized that with the new snapchat update / emoji sticker thing I can now use easily use emojis to cover my boobs in nudes.
my god I love twenty year old dicks
It makes my nipple hurt just thinking about it.
Have you ever gotten such awesome underwear you wish you didnt have to wear pants?
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