You picked the wrong day to call in sick. She's wearing the librarian glasses today.
This is why I'm not putting my name in lights over your bed.
I actually had no interest in him until he started talking about his 4 arrests. That made him go from a 5 1/2 to a 8, easily.
we went to get a refill in his room and ended up having sex and passing out. then he woke me up with sex and gave me a beer for breakfast. i never want this to end
me neither. i remember bell pepper tequila but not why or yelling
Hahaha, I forgot about doing shots out of the bell pepper
im sorry but you know it was a good night when you got tasered on the ass and didnt even feel it
Note to self: last nights makeup does NOT, under ANY circumstances, look good today.
New rule. No seeing movies about plane crashes after killer bong rips
Oh and apparently Friday night I came home and tried assembling the Christmas tree until my mom just told me to go to bed. Blackout.
Well my grandma put the turkey in the oven for 4 hours and didn't have the oven on.
The bad news is that I stole all your drugs. The good news is that ITS KICKING IN!
He offered me handsanitizer after a hand job, you can't tell me he's not perfect!
We have hung out 5 times and only had sex 3 of those times. I'd call that friendship
He ripped my sink off my bathroom wall and then threw up in it.
In what world does 'I'm awake' at 2:30 in the morning on a wednesday translate to 'let's fuck' in the span of one text? Where has the romance gone?
Randomize
