And hes hitting me with his balls, really hard.
So shortly after drunk sex...she starts crying and saying..." you don't care about me, you never do anything nice for me" so I called her a cab
i just saw someone i know on True Life. i need new friends.
she looked me in the eyes and called me a poet because i was singing lady gaga, then she fell over...
She challenged me to a game of rock-paper-scissors for her virginity. I love this girl.
I feel like I had eight dicks in my mouth
I'm bringing a flask to the test on friday. If I'm gonna fail at least I can enjoy the experience
The problem with Wednesday evening drinking is that no gets to my level. It's like like a one man party. But it's a goood party.
I woke up to a shattered My Little Pony garbage pail, a black eye I don't know how I got and no one will look me in the face. Fuck tequila.
Someone is giving away free yogurt on craigslist. Can I get a ride?
Good god you suck at this wake up call. Seriously. If I can, after consuming enough vodka to subdue a russian soldier, muster up enough motivation to call you in the morning and send you naked pictures the least you could do is pick up.
When I met you, I was just like "who the fuck is this drunk chick throwing up on my bed?" But I'm glad we're friends now
sexting just seems like too much work right now.
it was the kind of sex that I don't even know how my hair extentions are still in
my favorite sex position is the one where no sex actually happens we just get really stoned and eat a lot and watch netflix in the dark
Randomize
