just won 30 on black! Ok adicteddd! Never coming back gqmbeqing is easy.
now my debit card is betting 1k whoops. im gongk eh be rich!!!
whoops didnt work. think the gambeli mashine is busters!! now im betting 2k?! bad idea?
thanks 4 putting "im not your boyfriend baby" on my sex playlist. she just got pissed and left.
she was seriously choking and the whole time all he kept saying was "that's what she said"
i should have probably stopped drinking when my beer pong shots were hitting the other team in the face..
yeah thats usually a good indication.
you handed the cop a condom last night and said "it's all about protect and serve right?"
he might be the rich husband I pretend to love for the rest of my life!!!!
Nothing is more awkward than taking a dump while someone is crying in the bathroom.
Fortunately for myself I'm twice as smart and half as drunk as everyone else. All things considered I'm leaving here three-to-five times richer than when I arrived.
Sometimes I'm sad but then I realize that bagels.
I beer bonged before it even hit 4 o' clock. Please get on my level homecoming style.
I will gladly accept you into my home with open legs.
Giant stained glass jesus is judging my black pleather pants
Sorry I didn't call this morning. Ended up with a decorated war veteran last night who besides finding the enemy, KNEW where the fuck my G spot was. He gets a medal in my book!
In other news, I tore a tendon in my hand from giving my boyfriend handjobs so that's how my day is going
Dude just walked up to me, gave me his number and said, if this number ever calls its my penis,better keep that one handy. I cant lie its the best pick up line ever, im calling his penis.
Randomize
