his dick got so hard in his pants and it broke his zipper
the beat of "birthday sex" is shockingly similar to my dry heaving rhythm. it's making me nauseous all over again.
well I mean we knew we had more drinkers than runners, so we had a "case race for the cure" for relay for life instead of an actual marathon. day drinking and philanthropy. can't go wrong.
I think the taxi driver just requested me on facebook..... his name was george right?
We are lost and the only things we have are peanut brittle, cookies and vodka. I think we'll make it.
Apparently william has a "couch montage"...an album of facebook photos of himself on different couches in various states of happiness and despair. A heartwrenching journey through what was clearly a significant part of his life. I'd mock him more but I think the fact that I looked through it means he's already won
Like not in a "I wanna have sex with you way" more like a "I wanna cuddle your mustache way"
His penis contains the glue that keeps this relationship together.
Cassie is wearing a baseball cap. This rebound is going nowhere
hope your day is as exciting as mine- one of our trauma patients just stole an ambulance out of our bay... WITH AN EMT STILL IN IT.
I'm scared to touch anything in this apartment. Even the ceiling.
Because I'm currently dying, lacking waffles, and vaguely convinced I'm an eagle
So you were shitfaced and stole a fucking kayak?
Stop letting me drink alone on saturdays. My last 2 google searches were "short legs" and "caterpillar eyebrows" ? I don't even know.
After returning from the hospital with lock-jaw from getting tackle at the game. Some naked chick busted out of his room and hit him with a devastating haymaker to the jaw because he wouldn't have sex
Randomize
