Remember that dream I told you about where I shit out my own skeleton? I had it again last night.
i will never coherently bang her
while 90% of the female population goes to worship a fictional character tonight at midnight, I will be taking advantage of having the bars ALL TO MYSELF.
Did you know they have alcohol AND weed delivery in Canada??? I'm not EVER coming home
One of my other friends found me and the dog in the back seat of this one guy's car....I don't even know
she gave me a blowjob during our lunchbreak and expected me not to tell people
I'm eating cheerios out of the palm of my hand while I pee with the door open. Is this adulthood?
Just saw a woman in bootie shorts and a winter coat at the library. God. Bless. Prostitutes.
put something nutritious in your body. AND NOT JUST THAT JOINT.
wtf I can't believe that bar tender told on me to my mom
I want to respect them as people, but really I just want to have sex with them.
only you would understand that I was talking from the perspective of my boobs
Guess who just set half their backyard on fire.
Please tell me youre joking.
Nope. on the brightside though, im really gonna quit smoking this time.
We're like a married couple, but we only have sex on college holidays and other people's birthdays.
Oh please. Preoccupy yourself with my penis.
Randomize
