My body isn't even mad at me...just disappointed
We did nothing beneficial to ourselves, or our country last night.
I drunkenly asked a stripper to join our volleyball team.
I know and I love you for your valets putting your thong on your seat
after the shots you kept on yelling "this is for the dreamers"
Got home last night and found a Big Mac in the shower, tampons all over the place, and two pairs of your panties on the front porch.
Please. That's just a patriotism boner. I watched Michael phelps win another medal and had to change my underwear.
So far in the last ten minutes I have tried to pour cereal into a plate. Today's gonna be a great day.
There is nothing quite so awkward as watching topless bullriding with your mother next to you..
im just going to make a prayer circle of top ramen packets and cheap beer
Nothing like introducing yourself to your high school boyfriend's wife as "the girl who took his virginity"
I WANNA SUCK HIS DICK ON A BOAT
It took like and hour to get him in me and then he came in like 2min. Size aint everything
Verdict: uncircumcised.
Told a guy at the bar I was hurricane evacuees with no place to stay. Just woke up at his place. God bless Florence
Randomize
