Minivans at bars can only lead to bad things.
Calvin and Hobbes are double-teaming a butterfly. They're in the bathroom, and drawing a crowd.
Would you want me to push you down the stairs OR throw you a baby shower?? Real talk
regular news: took many shots of tequila.....bad news: woke up with a toothbrush and vagisil next to me.....good news: clean as a whistle
Put you drinking hat aside for Tuesday. My buddy is bartending!
I just puked in my drinking hat.
Got him to take a shot from the drip pan on the George Forman. He's gone now.
When the cops pulled up I just stood flat against the fence with my hands up while yelling out,"I'm a tree!!"...
Just pulled a muscle trying to take a naked pic. I think it's time to start working out again.
I'm super stoned watching the vatican smoke cam. Come over.
I just puked in my courtyard and dripped toothpaste in my chest hair. You better be getting laid or this drunk is wasted.
Moral of the story: I had sex to Back to the Future last night.
Being a fine ass woman in a world full of fuckboys is the realest struggle I've ever known.
We were having margaritas and I was saying "back when I was drinking..." They looked all confused. Then I realized "holy shit they think THIS is drinking?"
He chose me to be his birthday sex..theres a lot of pressure riding on this bang
She's celebrating a tinder-match-aversary and I'm not about that.
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