Hey, do you have a beer bong you could drop off at my little brother's place?
he just spelled fiance, "pheancie". I dont think he's ready to get married.
Two girls are doing the worm relatively well on the bar floor after the fact I just saw one puke in the trash
I give you the lube, you make me the mac and cheese, that's a pretty fair deal I think.
I'm gonna sleep with her just to prove to my roomate that shes a slut and he's wasting his time
He said i looked like a shooting star sprawled out on the floor while i puked and i kept blaming "senor cuervo" for doing me dirty.
I almost got away with it until she smelled beer on the stroller.
It's not that he's ugly its just that being blind folded makes everything less awkward
I found his Linkedin the day after he created it. Too stalkerish or just right?
HE'S BRINGING FRIED MAC AND CHEESE BITES. I GET FRIED MAC AND CHEESE AND SEX PEOPLE. BEST WEDNESDAY EVER.
It was an all night sausage fest and I was the lady of honor.
I feel you. I woke up butt naked on top of my sheets with a plate of cheese next to my bed...
Remember that cop that blew me in the parking lot a few weeks ago? He's possibly with his wife and kids shopping at Target.
You're going to literally shit your fucking unholy pants when Jesus rides in with his dual light-sabers on his velociraptor and cleaves you in half.
I just sharted for the first time in my life. Age 33. Lying in bed. Sober. 2021 is off to a great start!
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