I can't believe the cop was so cool about the whole thing, I mean, I had man mayo all over my jeans.
you have to choose: penises or morals?
We've finally become those guys who you'd see in middle school when you went to the park who are just stoned out of their minds sitting on the swings.
I wish i had more things to dip in ranch... That's the most stoner thing i've ever said
he was gone before i woke up. left a pee stain, phone number, note and $20 for sheets. safe to say i will not be calling.
I can't talk to her. I know entirely too much about her genitals to hold a conversation without mentioning them.
Hickies on top of my hickies. I need a leash and/or a positive female role model
We bonded over the fact that we each, separately, got arrested on the same weekend.
I woke up with the suicide hotline number saved as 'Hot Guy Josh'
She's like the Oprah of therapy. AND YOU GET A STRAITJACKET. AND YOU GET A STRAITJACKET. WITH A PADDED ROOOOM
They have a house rule that you get a composite for every 5 guys you sleep with. Where should I hang my new one?
I feel like one thing if I have going for me is that my bed looks like a nice place to have sex
Any chance the bar is open now? Also who's wedding is this?
I refuse to believe you if you're trying to tell me humanity as a whole isn't sad, tired, and craving Chinese food.
Can I bother you for a second.
You always bother me but go on.
Randomize
