I got drunk and threw up on a kid at the amusement park. I think they're pressing charges.
I woke up hugging a loaf of bread and a water bottle this morning
My face left an imprint in the loaf...
I swear, if he gets me a bowling ball for Christmas, I will throw it at him.
I have a beer in one hand and a slim fast in another. It's another one of those wednesday nights.
its the kind of pain that only someone with a fucking elephant on their head would understand. I'm never drinking again.
Yes, but it's not new to me. It's like every time a new guy finds out I'm a squirter it's a novelty so they make me squirt and squirt and squirt until their bed is completely soaked. And then afterwards they complain that there isn't a dry bit to sleep on. No shit Sherlock.
Im cutting you off tonight ONE boy at a time
I'm making a quesadilla and including it in the picture because that's the only way I think I can send her dick pics.
Welcome to a new world. May the gods of weed smile upon you as you embark on exploring this new dimension.
I mean with a sentence like that I knew I would be cumming
The internet is out at West Chester so I'm masturbating using my imagination. What is this, the fucking dark ages?
I don't remember what you did, but I DO remember that i'm supposed to hate you for it.
In the event that Ian's ex wife asks you, tell her I'm sweet snd innocent. No reason.
HOLY FUCK i just remembered we had bows and arrows and firecrackers last night
and flaming arrows and vodka
how did we not set your garage on fire
Can we climb Your roof?
No bitch its 2am go home.
Randomize
