Do you have a straightener and are extra lubricated condoms not the norm?
Dear __, it'd be a lot easier to fuck if you ever responded. So I'm throwing in the white towel, since I no longer know what you want. Sincerely, ___
and by charming I mean he has a horse cock.
sometimes i wish i could just stick a turkey baster up there and suck out the blood
Im going to need an iv of taco bell after this.
I never thought to pass out in a hotel lobby rather then paying for a hotel room until you taught me that's acceptable at the Hilton
he was like the dessert in the all you can eat man buffet that has become my life.
As girls, Bert & Ernie are not very bangable costumes. At least not by who we'd want to get banged by.
I was kidding. But I promise you I'd still find us the most eligible bangables, even if we dressed up like a dumpster and a prom night baby.
I made her a sippy cup with eggnog and whiskey. My meditation app told me to go the extra mile for someone today, so I did.
Putting a breathalyzer in a bar is a horrible idea. But I won
Apparently I tried my hand at mustard juggling. I wasn't very good.
If if makes you feel any better, you're definitely the hottest guy I've ever friendzoned.
I'm attracted to him because he looks like the kind of guy who would lick my asshole without me having to ask.
He hasn't touched a vagina in two and a half years. THIS IS WAY TOO MUCH PRESSURE TO BE UNDER
I haven't seen her in probably 3 months and when she showed up wasted to my house she promptly pulled out her tit
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