I woke up to him trying to put his dick in my mouth. When I asked him what he was doing he said he was trying to make me stop snoring...
On a list of weird places to get a bj, how weird is in the basement of a pharmacy
Down at cameli's and some homeless dude just pulled out a taser. Awesome.
He won't let me have sex with him, but feels bad if I won't let him get me off. It is the weirdest, best, most confusing pseudo relationship I've been in.
I found a digiorno pizza in my washing machine.
I woke up in a place I've never been before, with people I've never met before using me as a table for domino's.
i'm going to invent a mini fridge that can hang from faucets so i don't have to get out of the bathtub anymore for a cold beer. its a million dollar idea
I'm going to shower the piss off me now. I feel like I was in an R. Kelly dream.
I think it would be reallllly cool if you took your best friend to work so she doesnt have to have an awkward cab ride with the driver she drunkenly made out with last night ...
You know your acid trip is going well when the orange you're eating gives you a life lesson
And your boyfriend doesn't mind you constantly taking pictures of his dick just to freak out your brother?
its more like he's accepted that he can't stop me
That shit was hard as fuck. It felt like a mountain entering my vagina.
Coming straight to your house after the flight. If not in Federal Prison for disobeying peanut laws.
She came home, put on the news, left a 20 minute drunk message on her friends machine, then proceeded to play back the entire message laughing hysterically and then just passed out
Please tell me why we have been neighbors since elementary school and waited until the night before I moved to fuck.
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