I love hooters. This dumb bartender is saying how coffee dehydrates you so that's why she sometimes just eats the coffee grinds wake up.
Whatever, you were 10 deep and there was a hot tub. No judgment.
I went to the bathroom like 8 times and each time I looked in the mirror and tried saying "I am sober." I burst out laughing when I got to "so-" every time. If you can't convince yourself, you can't convince anyone else. Fuck it, I'm going upstairs and drinking more.
You make your fellow Jews happy.
Can you explain my first weekend back, because there a lot of blacked out gaps and 32 friend requests i would like to know about
Just learned the hard way that dicks can bruise the back of your throat to the extent that you cant eat. You're dead to me.
Also, if you all get arrested i'm coming to laugh at you because i don't have the money for bail.
I hope you realize that its not me making that decision, but rather the combination of my genitals and sexual orientation
Apparently I was proudly showing him the cup I barfed pizza rolls into
I think I'm drunk at the airport. Oh the possibilities
Omg one side of my Labia is asleep. Has that ever happened to you?
After fooling around at the hotel til dawn, I managed to feed her with my free buffet passes. Tastes like sweet victory.
Fuck these bullshit days. My underwear are still inside out.
she just kept straddling the railing to the stairs and shouting "come on Seabiscuit, lets win this for America."
All time low: no dry towels so I'm using the sex towel to dry off
I got here. Mom yelled "drink of the day is blueberry sangria" and next thing I knew I was on a slip and slide.
Randomize
