The sex toys I ordered are being shipped to my billing address instead of shipping address. Take a guess where they're on their way to right now - my parents' house. And the package has to be signed for so there's no way around it. Fuck.
If I'm having a dream where I'm having sex and I can actually feel it between my legs because I've had a lot of it recently, does that make me a whore?
I have a feeling this is a serious question. Problem solve, Jess.. I'm going to let you figure that one out on your own
the semester isnt officially over until i take the batteries out of my calculator and put them back into my vibrator
apparently it was the return of drunk burrito sex.
I would not wish his dick upon my worst enemy
Chapter 6 - how to lose your underwear in chicago
I'm missing some hair, but it's cool. Breadsticks are done.
How do you say "get out of my apartment" in Spanish. No time to explain, just tell me.
I just put fruit snacks in my sangria instead of real fruit. Its like freshman year all over again..
We couldn't afford sangria freshman year. We're lucky we had fruit snacks..
I have a diplomatic trade for you. My pants for your rum. Tomorrow?
It's pretty telling that my resolutions all involve who I will sleep with in 2014.
It's important to play to your strengths.
The girl I was Skype sexing just asked for a moment of silence for robin Williams.
The minute he showed me his Mumford and sons tattoo is the minute i could literally feel my pussy dry up
Well, I can't remember Thursday and my left ass cheek hurts like hell, I'm guessing Mike's bachelor party was a success.
I stole $10 from the guy I hooked up with last night.Not sure why but it was definitely more satisfying.
Randomize
