girl is pretty boring. i'm gonna see if she'll let me finger her.
we managed to turn Dream Phone into a drinking game. don't hate.
I don't think he realizes it but he was stroking the faucet while he was talking to me.
She got a text from her mom saying "you better not sleep with him, we all know how he is". IV ONLY BEEN HERE A WEEK
His wife found out about our affair the same day he got fired for it.
We built a fire and had sex in the kiddie pool. Then he washed my hair
Strong work
I'm in a waiting room at the hospital - and there's a dude here who is WAY too proud of his urine sample.
You don't understand!!! BACON ROSES!!! Why are you not more excited?!
Do you understand how hard it is to go down on a guy underwater? Didn't think so....
I swear to god....if you can give yourself a brazilian you can take a fucking bullet
well, mom whipped her new boobs out at the dining room table. So yeah you could say we had a pretty casual thanksgiving
JEREMY RENNER GOT DIVORCED. I STILL HAVE A CHANCE.
going on fb and having 11 notifications all from you is absolutely horrifying
It's a sad day when ur phone automatically updates u on Thursdays that traffic is normal and how long it will take to get to the bar
That's fucking great actually
Im not as flexible as I once was, but I still managed to get eaten out in the front seat of a hummer behind keddies.
Randomize
