My roommate and I had a nyquil contest. The nyquil won.
oh and i feel obligated to inform you that there will be no sexin' because it's 'lady time' for me. so this ain't a booty call.
just a forewarning-if you come home and hang out with your stupid girlfriend the entire time that you are here/fail to get wasted with us i will wish either death upon you or that you truly do turn gay when you return to the navy.
I got drunk and applied for two credit cards last night. About to find out if anyone in this world is still dumb enough to give me credit.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Gentleman, we have a new medal category - number of women per day in apartment WITHOUT FURNITURE
She said I wasn't helping her abandonment issues by not responding to her texts at 4 am
hey im home...im not sure how this mcdonalds got here but whatever im gonna eat it anyway.
Last night was the twilight zone. We hungout with our 45 year old future selves and tried to fuck everything with a dick. Lets move forward from this.
Sat down on an escalator. That hungover.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Can you explain the plethora of sunflower seeds in the dryer?
Me and two guys that I made Eskimo bros all soberly slept together in my bed
of all the things that should kill me, scurvy wont be one of them
Dude \nSo embarrassed \nJust sent a snap to my boss john and noticed my vibrator was right beside me
She has an alarming number of pictures with cat ears but the sex is amazing.
I just got wasted for $3.50. My life can't get any better.
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