I have the worst wedgie. Seriously. Its horible. And there are people everywhere around me.
Slide your hand down the back of your pants and shift to the side slowly
...are you coming on to me?
What can i say im a girl who smells like weiners.
Is it socially acceptable to order two burrito bowls?
anything's socially acceptable if you do it with enough confidence
I only want to screw him when I'm drunk. Problem is I try to be drunk as often as possible
Just hooked up on shake weight girl's dad's porsche. What are YOU doing with your life?
Is there a card that says "Sorry I got drunk at your Christmas party and tried to steal your monogrammed hand towels so that I could give you something nice for Christmas"?
You showed up at my apartment after 3 am wasted with a plate of cookies and tried to hook up.
Sorry about that. Except for the cookies.
Would a ten year old streaker be inappropriate?
That's the stuff legends are made of
don't trust your eyes. just sniff them. if they smell like axe, they are broke, move on to the next.
We watched game of thrones, broke up and I drove away blasting ridin solo while he dougied
And that kids is the last time I ever try to outdrink Germans
One. But meh. I upped my age limit to like 29 hoping I'll match with this one fedex guy that delivers packages to my work
I'm so sorry to hear about your grandmother. Also how many grams are in an eighth?
I'm getting paid to get fucked up. How much better could this get?
Blow Jobs and the Patriots Playing I think I’m going to marry her
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