i wonder what megan fox's vagina feels like.
Heaven soaked bacon.
I just discovered how perfect a shot glass is for putting your chicken nugget dipping sauces into. Like I'll probably do this when I'm a mother feeding my children.
while we were dancing I voluntarily took my bra off and hung it around his neck as a necklace. 2011 lets go
She's lying on the sidewalk wailing that she is gonna die alone, with hundreds of strangers watching us, and also we lost Kate, . Please help me
maybe volvos are so family friendly and safe because they're extremely uncomfortable to get fucked on.
Drunk me cleaned my room for me. Needless to say our relationship has improved greatly
Ok more importantly someone in a chicken costume just stepped in front of my car and started breakdancing...
Felt like shit, jerked off, felt ten times better. Being a guy rules. It's like I got all the demons out in 5 minutes.
Woke up in time for my 8:15
Good for you I'm impressed
I realized 10 minutes in it was a class from last semester
Dad's teaching me to make moonshine this weekend as "college prep". How scared should I be sis?
I just watched an old episode of Daria while eating brownies to cure day drunkness. Clearly I'm winning at adulting today.
Remember how we use to say "this will be the year I'll get my shit together!" And like we stopped doing that because we know that isn't happening anytime soon.
After you punched me you ran away and it took an hour to find you... On the wrong floor... Sitting alone saying "it doesnt make sense"
He made me come so hard I punched another hole in the wall mid orgasm.
I'm not fixing this one for you. Do it your own damn self.
First day of school is awesome. I get to meet my students and figure out which of their mothers I’ I’m going to bang
Randomize
