They still haven't come up with a cure for a hangover; good luck cancer.
would you kill someone to have someone deliver pancakes to you when you were high?
I literally just saw a campus policeman riding a Segway pull over a moving car. you should just give up.
apparently my insurance doesn't cover road head. Bummer.
I've developed breathing exercises to keep myself from puking..
there's nothing like the elf drinking game to get me in the christmas spirit.
Am I allowed to compare getting cum'd on the face to a warm summer rain?
We told her to calm down. She said "I'm Buddha!". Then army crawled to the cooler for more vodka.
Now you know my pain. Live with it. Own it. Recognize it. Cause its like shitting napalm.
Did copperhead road at the bar. All the girl next to me did was stare at my glorious bouncing tits. CAN I FUCKING HELP YOU?? I worked hard for these tits.
Apparently "I have the beer shits" isn't the excuse my boss wanted to hear. So sue me
Seriously I am not buying you condoms anymore. You're 22, if you aren't woman enough to buy them yourself then you don't deserve orgasms. Grow some tits.
He wrote me a Haiku titled, "Let me touch your butt".
I think I'm gonna cut my hair just so I stop waking up with semen in it
Happy birthday and sorry I punched your friend in the face
Randomize
