Dude, you were so drunk last night that when we went into subway, you forgot the word for bread.
my boyfriend just told me he used to have genital herpes. I was gonna have sex with him, but now it's SOOO over.
what kind of stupid fuck tells you that BEFORE sex? he is definitely not a keeper.
The only comparison I have for the iPhone is that it's like youre constantly getting a blow job
come over i need a lifeguard for my shower
You'll be happy to know that I did indeed fracture my rib in a sex related injury
He broke into my house just to tell me the door was locked.
I'm beer bonging chocolate fondue. That's how my Valentines Day is going.
I just realized that I have dated 5 unemployed guys...and 3 that drove pt cruisers...Turns out I do have a type.
gay sex achievement: unlocked
what
you told me you were going out for groceries!!
She broke up with me after I spent the whole day speaking in nothing but Marshawn Lynch quotes.
You added his wife on Facebook?! You're horrible at this mistress thing
SpongeBob is life. I once broke up with a guy bc he said SpongeBob was stupid.
1) break up with him. 2) feel bad. 3) fuck some other guy. 4) feel better. Boom! Life plan. You're welcome.
That time of your life is like a blur to me. There was churches, car fucking, and conservatives
Was just at a stoplight and some kid was smoking a blunt and we smiled at him and he offered to pass it between cars... Only in Rockford
Randomize
