we were having sex in the bathroom when his aunt knocked on the door
and rather than go out and meet her, i climbed out the window. so now she thinks he was masturbating and moaning his own name in a really girly voice
So you really shouldn't go around telling people you're fireproof
I just found out how hard it is to put together a fake Christmas tree with a hangover.
Do you remember that blonde girl he brought home from the bar on Friday night? She didn't leave until Monday afternoon. We didn't even know she was still in his room...what a sketchy weekend.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
There needs to be waaaay more alcohol in my apartment if I am going to survive being unemployed
Yea we had fun. Lost my wallet some girl has it. Sarah fell asleep in a cab and ended up at some wawa. It was cray. She's home now
didn't realize her mom was home while we were fucking, but she's oddly okay with it. she made us food afterwards. but then kept talking about having grand kids the whole time. is it time to bail?
Everything I own smells like cigarettes and victory right now. The smell is never coming out.
it's always good to have a friend that's a hairdresser, a massage therapist, maybe throw in a lawyer just in case, and always have a friend on food stamps
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
WHY DO I KEEP FINDING CHICKEN THROUGHOUT THE HOUSE? GET YOUR ASS HOME NOW!
How did the date go? No fake eyeballs this time?
Got 3360 Shoppers points for buying Plan B. I guess this all worked out for the best.
I need to find a more reliable booty-call so I can start dating people and take it slow.
Bleach your asshole, I'm on my way.
Who is this?!?!
you know your booty call is really trying when he offers to pay the toll for the bridge you have to cross to get to his house
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