hey, what are you doing? my roommates are gone for the night... you should come over ;)
nah, i'm gonna grab some food
i have a new swear word: supercalifuckaliciousexpialadamnit
he said i was chugging vodka in the parking lot, gave my # to a married man, started a food fight, and passed out at the bar. how could he NOT consider that a good first date???
I just spent a chunk of my Christmas money on Plan B. I don't think that's what my relatives had mind when they said "spend it wisely", but hey, it was a good investment considering the bad life choices i made last night.
You do realize it's a Tuesday, right?
You do realize I stopped giving a fuck about calendars when I was 10, right? And besides, it could be the best Tuesday of your life.
No, the sea-green pills were klonopin, the bright blue ones are adderall. you're probably going to have to adjust your plans for the day.
Not even drunk me wanted to have sex with him. I kept intentionally hitting my head on the table behind me during sex till he said i was too drunk for sex.
WERE YOU GOING TO TELL ME THERE WAS A LOAF OF BANANA BREAD IN THE OVEN BEFORE YOU LEFT FOR A 5 HOUR SHIFT??
He legit pounded my cooking wine, because he was to cheap to buy beer. He is so not getting any.
I had him autograph the condom wrapper.
I now have a full length bright red cape in my possession. Best sex trophy ever.
Get your ass back to America. We've got a lot of drugs to do.
Sorry. We had to leave because I knocked a guy out for saying "yolo".
Is it weird that I'm smoking a cig on my back patio in a sports bra and underwear?
We took three cabs to get home, the first one dropped us off a block away, so we went back to the hotel and tried again
Randomize
