Promise me that if I become one of those sad people that facebook pesters you to 'reconnect with' you'll tell me so I can delete mine and save myself the humiliation?
the brownie started to kick in before i finished the essay... it became a race against my own increasing intoxication
after last nights cooking expirments i have lost all faith in the fire alarm battery
you kept saying "no santa, im not having sex with you. it's not your holiday".
2pm: Breaking news alert: I think I'm finally sober. Oh, and that place needs hotter strippers.
He dared me to drink a bottle of olive oil in exchange for a 30 pack... So much for loosing the freshman fifteen this year.
THIS IS THE EMERGENCY BOOZE SYSTEM. I AM EN ROUTE TO DEWITT WITH A FIFTH OF TEQUILA. THIS IS NOT A TEST
I feel like I got hit by a bus. A head on collision with my vag.
We finally have the house to ourselves and your out playing Lance Fucking Armstrong
You need a twittervention. You're better than this.
My dad wants to dress like mitt Romney tomorrow night and tell trick or treaters they owe him candy.
I feel violated by Miley Cirrus's performance in the VMA's.
Oh the best part of having sex with him was that he made me a smoothie after
I would climb him like a jungle gym. Enthusiastically and creatively.
Dude on the shuttle bus eating a Butterfinger and watch porn on his phone and doesn’t give a fuck who knows
We need to get on his level
Randomize
