my mouth tastes like poor choices
you said youd get me home safely, you dropped me off at 9:30 last night and i just woke up on my porch.
you told everyone your name was brenda and you had the whole party chanting b-dawgg by the end of the night. successful.
can a guy be partially circumsized? cause i dont exactly know what i was lookng at...
Just bought a pack of cigs...gas station guy informed me i took off my underwear and tried to pop a squat by the milk last night...
This is a mass text: my birthday is tomorrow, and I want a full day of birthday sex. Send me your availabities. Time slots begin at noon
No. No, there is no forgiveness for this. The only way I'm forgiving you for this is if you somehow convince your sister to have sex with me. In her car.
I bruised my dick hopping over that fence last night
I'm cutting her off I can't have my good name soiled with these kinds of shenanigans
Shit is preposterous
I'M CUDDLING WITH MY CAT AND THAT GUY SENT ME A DICK PIC. UNANNOUNCED DICK PICS ARE TERRIFYING AND MY CAT WILL NEVER BE THE SAME
I actually haven't slept with anyone in a while. I think my whore phase is just seasonal.
I just ordered a "football meatlong" from subway
My dad's girlfriend is driving through the snow to bring me my purple haze. If he doesn't wife her up, we have a bigger issue on our hands.
Just once, can I please come back to a room that doesn't smell like beer and cum?
Let's just face it you're going to have an arrangement with your future wife your fuck me on Thursdays
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