I wish we could go back in time and find our best farts ever
Another weekend, another 3 guys I have to awkwardly avoid while crossing campus...
you asked the janitor if you could ride his floor cleaner.
This is the most scared i've been of my hands since i did shrooms.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
my mom went out and bought me new sheets and redecorated my room. its like she's more excited for me to get laid tomorrow for the first time in two months than I am.
So like 5 seconds in I realize I knew him in 3rd grade and I went limp in his mouth. It felt like I just murdered the last unicorn ever. Going straight never felt like an option till now.
When you say shenanigans does that mean I should bring birth control?
It was all fun and games until he noticed the hickey that he hadn't given me...
I'm eating lunchables with a glass of wine while I FaceTime the guy I lost my virginity to.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I have a bad feeling I'm going to like this fuck buddy
When you're done railing that chick, there is still half a pizza and some ninja turtle mac and cheese down here if you want
Yeah because the only thing stopping you from fucking Emma Watson is you not being a Gryffindor
It just makes sense. It's like I end a relationship, and wash myself of sin... with tequila.
I dropped a piece of Mac and cheese in the shower and I almost still ate it. Stoned, but not stoned enough to degrade myself.
Grandma is high again and locked herself in the house
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