I just ran into the couch, vagina first.
I hope you got dinner out of it
maybe i'll see you again later :)
I'd rather shit a knife.
can you put a coffee maker in the dish washer? yo know what, nvm i want to be surprised
turkey basters and jungle juice, is that really the whole shopping list for new year's?
i can't understand anything he's saying. But he spells alcohol right everytime so i deciphered it.
You take your time. Wallowing in last nights filth is the best way to get over a hangover
Ya he's the booze devil, like if the black hole and Bermuda triangle joined forces with Captain Morgan
Yeah. Moral of the story: Don't mace yourself. It sucks dick.
We don't know where he is but he left his pants and what appears to be a tooth here so he's gotta come back sometime
I had a dream I got back with Amanda. And then cheated on her the same day. Even my conscious is a dick
You are not the cause of late onset lesbianism.
He was really cute! And I know but it's just like getting my fix ya know? He's basically a human vibrator.
what is considered shitting yourself?
Like my underwear wasn't soiled, but there was definitely a departure from my asshole.
I threw my back out having sex last night. I don’t know whether to high five myself for a job well done or cry because I’m old.
My boobs weigh the same amount as 25 pancakes
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