i was unaware that anal sex sometimes ends with shit on the bed.
Using manwich sauce as ketchup. Not bad. Love college.
I stayed up for hours making sure you didnt pass out in a mountain of your own puke. But when I heard you yell AWWWW FUUCCKK, somehow I knew everything would be ok
We did a shot for each one. Father... son... and holy ghost. That wasn't enough though so we moved on to toasting dead relatives.
I jerked him off and then punched him in the face for no reason. Typical evening drinking Sailor Jerry's.
My three rules on what I'm wearing tonight. Something short, something see through, and something i had sex in.
I started singing the national anthem on a train in London. Happy 4th of July assholes
I hope after we constantly bang for 2 days straight we can agree to be friends again
Let me refresh your memory. New Year's Eve in the back of my car you grabbed my hand and said feel my tumor on my butthole and at that moment I swear we were infinite
Everywhere I look there's another kitten this is so ideal
Can I live on acid? Kittens man. Kittens.
You were hitting on girls while wearing the banana suit. When they rejected you you yelled "I gotta split anyway."
Me: I shouldn't go to the airport bar it's too expensive and I don't need it. Dark me: SHOTS AT 7 AM
I'm hosting my annual valentine's day party tomorrow with every hookup I've ever had. thoughts on how it will turn out ??
Just had a flashback of scottish man yellin' at my face. What the fuck I did?
she was all excited about us being eskimo sisters and then i was just like "alyssa i've literally been inside of you" and she got even more excited
Randomize
