My bottle opener just broke off in the cork
They don't teach how to cope w these situations in boy scouts
Yeah. He most definitely jizzed himself in the face.
So i think we're being coned into a threesome with the promise of pokemon
Your mom can still drink beer standing on her head! Talk to you tomorrow :)
Mom wtf!?
The future queen of Norway was pregnant with a druglord's baby when she met the prince. We still have hope.
I don't not like him. It's just wierd talking to him because we both know I fucked his wife.
I am literally sitting on the toilet in utter disbelieve that last night even happened. My god that was only Monday.
You're just mad because I look hotter in my mug shot than you do in yours
she chugged a bowl of salsa and then gave my ferret weight loss tips. she's like my fucking spirit animal now
im going to hold it over his head for all of eternity. when his children are born i am going to go to the hospital as his wife is giving birth and shove the picture in the childs face, so the first time they see their father is in a drunken stupor looking like a jackass.
At first I was horrified but then he explained that he shave a "soul patch" on his balls... And I was still horrified, but I went with it.
Told my prof I have mono so that he won't judge me when I show up hungover and looking like shit to class every day.
Just skip
Please. i have SOME standards
You slapped my ass and yelled "HOOTY TOOTY WHAT A BOOTY" in a Schwarzenegger voice
my extended weekend of being as irresponsible as possible started with blowing the bartender in the bar bathroom. off to a good start.
Wearing panties to a party gives you a whole new perspective on life.
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