have u ever looked at the reflection of the water n watched the poop come out of u?
why can't you just be normal
I picked her up for our first date on a fucking horse. Of course I got a BJ.
Someone said we're out of ice. You collapsed on the spot and started sobbing, saying 'but where will all the polar bears live". That drunk.
You know, I had the money for a pregnancy test, but at the time, tacos were more important.
And I'm ok with his balls touching my ass
Amazing how you can get from "Merry Christmas" to sex in three texts.
I could have done it in 2
I got a dollar bill stuffed into my bra on two separate occasions by two separate guys simply for having boobs. I feel like somewhere god is patting himself on te back while pointing at me goin "you're welcome dude." easiest two bucks I ever made.
Dude. Cab ride home consisted of me making out with an Asian girl sitting next to my Dad
So I feel like I should feel objectified by your comment about my boobs but instead I just feel proud. 21ST CENTURY FEMINISM, BABY
I mean there is a rehab there so its gotta be a good time
Omg yes! I just found a random muffin! Don't question it. Just praise the miracle.
She left you responsible for her guinea pig for what, 3 hours? And it somehow died under your care? I will no longer trust you with so much as a beer.
No he doesn’t answer my texts except for like on New Year’s Because like I was fucked up on New Year’s and he said happy new year and I told him the same and I called him dragonslayer and you can’t really recover from that
U just kept yelling her vagina wasn't a priority bc u had a bowl of cheerios calling your name
wow wtf man i was the friend bailing you out of jail with 500 cash and you didnt have the common courtesy of waking me up for class when i passed out drunk and naked in the bath tub
Randomize
