We just got home. I got some malt liqour and a lottery ticket so I'm really doing a lot with my life right now
I'm thinking about that time I was in a trashbag and you spray painted my hair yellow
we decided to do a scavenge hunt for ourself for when we walked back to our apartments. We hid taco bell behind some bushes. I think they are still good.
I looked at you and you stared at me dead in the eyes then sprayed febreze at your crotch and winked.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you cant just puke in an arbys and not order food. thatd be rude.
Its 11am, im in the city in a pocahontas outfit, lost a heel and found a gold rolex in my lingerie.
Somehow me showing up to/breaking into her house only to find I was a week early for the party became a night of weed cookies and sex.
A girl pulled up next to me at a stoplight just now, looked around for a second, and then changed her top, bra and all, before the light turned green. New. Hero.
I'm mad at him and disappointed with you. It's like I put a bunch of effort into a PowerPoint of "what not to do with Zach" to show you and the first bullet point was "do not love him" and you're just disregarding all my effort and friendship.
I have to make mistakes myself to learn from them
FUCK YOU I AM MAKING A POWERPOINT
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Holy shit he's circumcised. His parents must have really loved him.
She kept calling herself DJ McDonalds and said she wanted to make some Egg McMusic.
this is definitely the first time I've ever had an orgasm and then had potatoes smeared on me within the same hour
I love this text stream: discussing the development of a business model centered around cooking acid to bankroll a yacht trip in Croatia
Testing the emergency boobs hotline
She pinched my nipples too hard I THINK THEYRE GONE
I TOLD YOU ABOUT GOTH CHICKS BRO. I WARNED YOU
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