We should go out drinking together soon
I'm still not going to have sex with you
i just learned how to squirt via google. life is good.
I brought his matress to the living room we're laying on it listening to rick james drinking vodka
Also you know what's worse than drunk texting? Drunk leaving soup on your hot neighbor's porch.
If you get me so fucked up I can't use the microwave , I'm going to be so mad at you
I'll probably just close my eyes and point to a random name. That will be my vote.
I just realised how much we're failing the women's suffrage movement right now.
apparently my new 420 ritual is to look at the clock at 4:20 and realize i'm already too high
thanks for piggy backing me around for the rest of the night when I got too drunk to stand.
I'm hungover laying in my moms bed watching Space Jam.. Adult Life..
You were silly, high, and chewing on things.
I'm eating Swedish fish out of my boobs and watching SOA.. There is no way your Tuesday night will be better than mine.
I just jerked him off with one hand while holding my wine glass with the other and watching Congo. I feel like this was a preview to my married life...
That means I have to put pants on. That is not something I am willing to do right now.
I'm like the kinda excited when David After Dentist stands up in his seat, screams, and collapses
There’s a stripper dressed like a slutty pilgrim. Is that a thing?
Randomize
