god. i hate danny gokey.
Hes like the kid in school that reminds the teacher they forgot to assign homeowrk.
he's mormon right? lame.
i just watched my husband get a prostate exam. sex is ruined for me.
It's not weird mascara. I just have puke crusted on my eyelashes.
using blue streamers we found on the bathroom floor was probably not the best substitute for toilet paper.
I am too hungover to address any of this right now, every time i move it feels like i'm being bitch slapped by the hand of God
You were telling the cab driver that you believe in him and just to follow his dreams
At what point lastnight did a lens fall out of my glasses and nobody tell me?
Went to a wedding reception last night, came home with a Christmas tree and the rest of the keg
How can I politely yet provocatively ask you for a cock shot?
Drunk and alone at a magic show is what my life has become without you
Well she got high, deleted the essay she was working on, and then ordered dominos. We all manage stress in different ways.
Build a thousand brigdes, lick one butthole. What am I remembered for? Buttholelicking.
I love you but this is the first Saturday I have ever spent at the police station. And where are my boxers?
If we hadn't just agreed to no commitment, i'd totally propose right now. Best. Fuckbuddy. Ever.
I have a completly random but serious question. Can I make a paper mache mold of you ass and turn it into a pinata filled with airplane bottles of liquor? Its for my art class
Randomize
