my mom just informed me that i masturbate loudly
I gave him a handjob while watching the presidential address. Needless to say, it was weird.
If she wasn't my friend I'd think she was a huge slut
I would like to add..this is the first november for two years that i haven't cheated on a bf...thank you..thank you
OH YEAH AND FORGOT TO THANK YOU FOR THE lack of WARNING THAT HE WASN'T CIRCUMSIZED.
How do I explain the handcuffs and tanning goggles on our living room floor? There's rope too. The cats love the rope.
Note to self: the judgement that occurs when unrolling your last 5 which was used to snort drugs the night before, to pay for alcohol before noon on a Monday is worth just sucking it up and taking an overdraft fee.
Wait a min, you had drugs last night?!
So i know i shouldnt being spending random large amnts of money...but i just bought a sword.
Is eating fries while lying on the floor bad for you?
If I choke and die at least I will have been doing something I love
We hooked up and then we watched game of thrones while he fed me chocolate. I don't see how our benafriendship is a bad thing.
At least I know that however bad my life gets and how low I can feel I'll never feel shitting in a red robin parking lot low
Thanks so much for having me, I'm really sorry that I almost caused your dog to catch on fire and also for breaking your doorknob
a guy just skateboarded past my window in a bunny suit while chased by a dog walker
Just to clarify, i'm coming over for tacos not a threesome
I don't think it's a coincidence that the day I just happen to do the splits at the gym I come back with 7 guys' phone numbers.
Randomize
