I failed the drunk obstacle course of trying to find my bed... consolation prize... a sore ankle and "disappointed' parents.
If there was chocolate on Regis Philban's dick, I would totally lick it off. That's how desperate I am for some right now.
If everyone lived like me, we would need 5.9 earths. Fuck yes america.
even in my darkest moments, having another person eat my jizz would make me smile
he kept bringing up different times we had sex and i wouldnt say anything back. i would never confirm nor deny the situation...like a politician ya kno
Literally passed out while tubing... Boating while hammered is a blast but thank God for life jackets
was his dick as big as our hopes and dreams?
Osama's death just kick started our Cinco de mayo celebration. Margaritas for anyone wearing red white and blue!
He completely dissapeared at the baseball game. We found him passed out at the hotel three hours later with souviner photos of himself at the top of the Sears Tower.
Just saw 1 guy dressed as a cow and another dressed as a shrimp dancing on the side of the road. We're turning around I NEED to dance with them.
My phone autocorrected your name to "grownup." that couldn't be more inaccurate. I'm getting a new phone.
I have bad memories with every alcohol but we manage to work through the problems for the good of the relationship
I feel like my liver should be on crutches right now
not sure what the chiropractor did but my junk deserves a cape now.
It's Friday you fucking nerd of course I'm drunk.
Randomize
