I have no idea who these bands are he's listening to. If his current playlist was a pandora station, however, it would be titled "music for closet cock gobblers"
we went back to her place to bone only to find her boyfriend having sex.. with MY girlfriend
What wine goes with Cap'n Crunch?
So befoe we go on this mission how reliable are you for bailing peope out of jail
She answered the door wearing a blanket and holding a golf club. I was too late for this party.
listening to happy ending by mika while imagining him to run after me at an aiport in slow motion... also, dipping oreos in baileys. not taking this breakup well. at. all.
Did you really lure me out of the bar with a blond holding a dunkin donuts bag? Well played sir, well played.
Doc gave me something stronger than Xanax. The pills have your last name imprinted on them. This cannot be coincidence.
I rang in the new year by giving a lap dance to a Lutheran minister in a roomful of people including his wife. Jesus would be proud.
Dude. You stood in a corner laughing your ass off while folding clothes, facing the wall. Yes, they were weed brownies..
she pointed to my dick and said you are going to save the world
I was so drunk last night dude. I woke up this morning to my oven being wide open and my pants on the kitchen floor.
Can I just go to one establishment in which I haven't banged anyone ?
The wedding is over. Operation sleep with my step-sister has officially begun
I am playing in the snow in my bunny outfit. GET OVER HERE
Randomize
