i just had sex. the condom broke. we're sleeping in to separate beds. And im in albany
I apparently took a 45 minute shower, and became best friends with his mom.
Went home with a guy 2 " his house". Woke up this morn on couch to parents cooking breakfast, piss all over my back and he is no where to be found. That fuckr pissed on me and bounced. His parents are gonna think some drunk bitch pissed their couch.
apparently people get pissed when you take the bag of wine out of the franzia box and put it in your purse before leaving the party
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You might not want to sit on your couch. Actually you may want to throw it away. My bad.
she said, "is it ok if I touch it?" that's when I knew I was in trouble... I knew she was a virgin but seriously..
His dick might not be the answer to my problems, but I'm definitely ok with testing it as a possible solution.
I got a bikini wax for the first time today and I think I now understand feminism.
Do you think royal wedding drunk calls for wine or tequila?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
At one point I had two blunts in my hand and had no idea where they came from.
Don't tell me you're on acid again
How was jagerbomb pong?
It was like communism. Great in theory. Terrible when put into practice
we had sex while we waited for the thai food... a which will come first type of situation
So I was at my annual OBGYN appointment and when she saw the bruises on the inside of my thigh she asked if I had been horse back riding...I think my burst of laughter then awkward silence answered the question for me.
I don't wanna be 33 that's when Jesus died
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