Me. At least after what I've been through.
just next time i won't let coke make me think I'm superman and drink a shit ton.
Nights like last night are what makes cleaning up the vomit in the morning worth it
I want to apologize 3 days in advance for what's about to take place on St. Patrick's day.
Hey man, did I leave the bottom drawer to my refrigerator that I had beer in at your house by any chance?
Bring my lunch to work in liquor store bags is doing nothing for my career
this is you don't wonder off at 3 am with no pants on. Just stay there and pray to god you don't get arrested for being on school property.
You do realize there's a subtle difference between not remembering your outfit from april 17th of last year vs forgetting that last night you undressed in the street and were grabbing every dick you could reach, right?
Its official the day you get back into town we are having a going away to jail party for me. My last wish before prison is to shit faced drunk with you, get into a fist fight, and then cuddle up and fall asleep. Just like old times <3
The less money I spend on drugs, the happier my mom will be.
She judged ME for picking my nose when SHE has the clap.
I'm crying at a bar by myself drinking a pear martini drawing things dicks are scared of. How was your day?
Apparently I've told this bouncer I stalk him on Instagram 3 times. I should stop drinking. I only remeber saying it tonight. early sign of Alzheimer's
I'm daydrinking whiskey in a princess hat
He texted me at 2am telling me to come get my American flag from his place, if that's not code for sex idk what is
Randomize
