Nothing says "I love you" like a full raw dog.
Were betting on little kids falling and racing for a drinking game at the wedding.
Im just a social blackout drinker.
I recommend you throw your keys as far as you can in one direction, your phone as far as you can in the opposite direction, and hold on.
I'm drunk in a field. the chupacobra is going to eat me. if I die serve vodka at my funeral.
i refuse to hook up with a girl that looks like drew carey.
spending today hungover and untagging myself from all the pictures of me kissing girls so grandma doesnt have a heart attack. how was your new years?
Just thinking about this summer makes me feel a slight tingle of an orgasm mixed with a twinge of regret as the cold ghostly feeling of multiple hangovers creep into my body.
We found out if you get Ben high but stay sober yourself he is an AWESOME cook. You need to get your ass down here, this goes against everything I know to be real.
In fairness you've introduced me to a lot of people I've only met once, for like 5 seconds, while drunk
I know you just got bad medical news... But want some moonshine?
Thanks for listening. You're the first guy I've ever worked with who I didn't want to fuck.
Do you think it's a bad sign of the outcome of the pregnancy test I'm about to take that I was eating a fudgsicle on the way into the drugstore? Would it make worse to tell you I also bought a big ass bag of Cornnuts?
She's chasing the cat around the house hitting it with a cardboard sword yelling "there can be only one!"
If you survived your 72 hour masturbation marathon put on some pants and come over. My mom dropped off a lasagna.
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