YEA!!! I'll throw you a non-baby shower.
There's a "art of the blow job" class in the city. We should go
Baby, I'm all set with that. That would be like trying to teach bruce lee how to kick someone in the head
is it bad that while shopping i looked specifically for clothes that hold their form after taking them off and putting them on again and again?
i just set an alarm for noon. fuck yes winter break.
Its the little things i like about bein home like having actual toilet paper instead of subway napkins
her cat was choking so she kept trying to stick her finger in her cat's mouth while saying "it's okay kitty, just do what mommy does"
she was handing out condoms w/ her number on them...
If you're going to outback I'll have to decline, I've slept with a large enough portion of their staff already.
I was fingering her, she was moaning, and we were singing Mulan
I thought it was a myth but I have just reached the age of sitting on my balls. Not a fan.
Seriously how many times do I have to sleep with him before he stops calling me dude
I don't know. I was hiding and the bed was banging. I am going to sleep now in someone's car.
we could do so many fantastic illegal things together. sexually and otherwise.
Yeah. I woke up in an awkward three way spoon with him and his sister. Tequila!
And you know what the worst part is? Because of him I can now relate to a goddamn Taylor Swift song. FUCK. MY. LIFE.
Randomize
