My face smells like last night's lay. I need a whore bath. Or a corndog.
Those balls look pretty dangerous.
she made my bed before she left. i think i'm gonna keep banging her to get the housework done
I could see myself reflected in his wedding band as i was going down on him.
its sad that I know 23 beers will fit into my purse
Is it bad that I see a party full of girls I know he has fucked as a challenge for me to be the one who ends up in his bed?
you did a full monologue with your sober self last night. different voices and everything.
This is embarrassing but i think i might have left my fake tooth at your house on your night stand.
Nothing says "welcome to Denver" like a hot 18 year old giving you directions to the dispensary and ending up blowing you in the backseat
we could do so many fantastic illegal things together. sexually and otherwise.
So I bought that bathing suit yesterday and got buyers remorse so I returned it today and then stole it. Win win.
Thanks for letting me cross "getting high at park with children" off my bucket list
Your youporn search history says otherwise.
The waitress at the Denny's in usa remembered me from 2 years ago when we went at 4 in the morning plastered, wearing overalls and huge inflatable corona hats on our heads
you said you didn't feel like drinking anymore so you mixed vodka with your applesauce and ate it
Randomize